I Wrote This For You

Friday, August 22, 2014 11 Comments A+ a-

"'Cause I've got this friend who's crazy about you,
I've got this friend who can't be without you,
I've got this friend and I wish I could see
How this would end if you knew it was me."
- I've Got This Friend, 5 Seconds of Summer

I watch in the sidelines as you walk up to her. You nervously tousle your hair with your hand and take a deep breath, and then start talking to her and she flashes you a smile, I bet it's not as bright as you imagined it would be. I try to smile too, as if my moral support would radiate to you from where I was standing. I feel a tug in my chest as you talk more and she smiles more, but I keep watching. You ask one final question and she nods as an answer. I finally look away, but I didn't need to see to know that you're grinning in that goofy way that you do.

"Hey, she said yes!" You beam as you happily hold me by the shoulders at arms length and shake my soul out of my body.

I hold back the thoughts before they turned into words, and laugh instead. "Told you you could do it!"

"I can't believe I actually did! Thanks! God knows I love you!" You envelope me in a hug and I hug back weakly. Do you understand the effect you have on me? The effect of those words you tell me?

The moment you let go of me, I have second thoughts of telling you everything; from the butterflies to the drumrolls to the backflips my stomach makes, but reason tells me it won't do me any good. What I had with you wasn't a legit boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, but I wouldn't give anything to lose whatever it was that we shared.

"I'll see you later, okay? Ice cream, my treat. You deserve it!" You say as you begin to walk away and head to your next class. I smile as I watch you go; that way you walk, the way you swing your arm, the way you run your hand through your hair, the way you smile at everybody. You were so gorgeous in your own little way.

You congratulated me when I got over all my stupid exes, when I stopped looking at myself lower than everybody else, when I finally passed a Math exam. You always told me how great I was doing with life. How good I was at saving myself. You were wrong. It wasn't just me. It was you. You pushed me to believe I was better than what I deemed myself to be. But you also showed me how to have fun, how to just enjoy the life I'm living.

I bet you don't understand the joy I feel when I realize how close we've gotten. And I bet you don't see the sadness I feel when I realize this is the extent of what we could be. You were the sweetest sadness. The sole responsible for that bittersweet feeling.


I like you for all your positive qualities and your amazing personality, but I love you for all your defects and weirdness and inconsistency and everything that comes with being friends with you. But you can't see this. Maybe you never will.



Dear Future Self: It's All a Matter of Perspective

Thursday, August 14, 2014 2 Comments A+ a-

Sometimes we underestimate the ability of our own minds. We let outside forces bring us down. We let other people tell us that we’re not smart enough or pretty enough; up to the point that we cause our own destruction. We let their opinion influence our own. And, let me tell you, that this is sad and it sucks.

Although the opinions of others are to be given importance, when it comes to our own persona, it’s what we think of ourselves that matter. We forget that our brain has the ability to turn everything around. It’s all a matter of perspective.

Being a person who can’t take criticisms that well, I’ve learned that all you have to do is to find those positive charges (a little term I use haha) from negative comments. The people that hurt us make us stronger (cliché, but true). The tasks and challenges we face now prepare us for even harder ones in the future.
It’s all about which way you look because the wind is gonna blow no matter what.


11 August 2014
RIP Robin Williams. =’( It hurts to think that a person who made so many people happy couldn't make himself happy too. May he rest in peace.


"Disney's touching tribute to Robin Williams"


Andrea