000: Bamboozled

Saturday, October 31, 2015 0 Comments A+ a-

A few more hours until November! Besides marking the start of NaNoWriMo, November also means Christmas is just an entire month away. Next thing you know, it's already 2016. This year went by so fast for me. So many things changed in a span of 11 months; I met a lot of wonderful people, I lost touch with a few as well, I had a lot of adventures (*cough* failed microwave mug cakes *cough*), I found myself happily in a relationship with a wonderful person, I'm getting better at handling stress (okay, this is a bit of a lie), and I started to play table tennis again. I can't express how much I've changed over the past few months.

There's just one thing I'm still completely unsure about though; College.

I don't even know where to start. Supposedly, at this point I have already chosen a good university, took the entrance exam, and am anxiously waiting for a positive response. But that's not the case. Due to the shifting of the curriculum I'm under, I have to go through 2 more years of high school before I get to step onto college.

Then what the hell are you so worried about? You've got 2 more years to decide on all that college stuff!

Well, not exactly. See, the 2 additional years are supposed to help us be more apt to whatever course we're getting in college. So, basically the need to decide what you want to take up after 2 years is pretty vital since you are to study subjects that will prepare you for just that. I'm not sure I'm ready to make that big of a decision because 1. I'm fickle, and 2. I have absolutely no idea what I want to be or what I want to do with my life.

What if, say I choose Creative Writing or English now, but then after those additional 2 years in high school I realize that my heart belongs to Theater Arts? I'm not ready for that big of a commitment. I don't trust myself with big decisions like this because I can't even deal with small ones right now. Don't believe me? My family and I were to eat lunch out a few days back and I spent, and I shit you not, 10 minutes trying to choose which shirt I was going to wear.

Fine, that doesn't prove anything. But, the story isn't over. Instead of picking up a clean shirt from my closet, I realize I want to wear (an awesome) shirt that I already wore the day before. So I pick up a shirt from my dirty clothes hamper. Little did I know that everyone was going to dress up and there I was wearing a dirty shirt with a small food stain from the last time I wore it.

Do you see now? That was such a small decision and I managed to mess it up.

Oh, but the college complication doesn't stop there. No, it just had to be more complicated than that. See, the school I'm in right now will only cater students who choose to study courses under Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics. I'm not entirely sure I can survive 2 more years of all that, let alone the entirety of my college years. But I don't want to leave my school. I know forcing myself to take up something my heart's not into is a terrible idea, but I just can't leave my alma mater. I have made a lot of friends and memories there. I also don't want to leave because my significant other is staying. I know my choices shouldn't depend on someone else's, but I want to be where he is.

I'm going to forget I actually typed down that last part because that was hella cheesy. Look at that photo in the beginning of this blog post. See how squeezed it is? Looks and feels weird, right? That's me. Right now. Yes. Anyway, if there's  word to describe what I'm feeling right now.




a 19 year old girl who firmly believes in the power and joy of writing and that the owl carrying her Hogwarts letter simply got lost.

May the comments be ever in my favor (or not)