tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59131740629390827982024-03-25T11:45:09.380+08:00AmaranthineAndreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.comBlogger102125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-85776337338376292512019-10-14T19:56:00.000+08:002020-02-13T23:22:30.659+08:00010: The Fear of Missing Out and the Art of Getting By<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's a Monday evening, a school night, and I'm still at home. I have a 7am class tomorrow which I can no longer cut because I'm one absence away from being dropped. My fever's gone, but the headache's still there. For the nth time (and most probably not the last), I reflect on the idea that maybe I made some wrong choices.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Me and my dormmates were planning to go home to our respective houses early morning Saturday, but I woke up with chills and high fever. Me and my boyfriend had to stay in my dorm while all my dormmates went home because I could barely get up. I had never been sick in Los Baños before. Sure I had headaches and colds, but never /that/ sick. I couldn't get up, my boyfriend had to buy me food and help me up to drink water or to pee. My mind felt like it was going to implode any minute and my body decided it was a volcano ready to erupt. What scared me the most was that it was so sudden. I felt fine that Friday. I even attended a meeting that night and cooked dinner for my friends!<br />
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I had so many things running through my head; is it rabies? Was I bitten in class and never noticed? Did I swallow a patient's saliva? Was that even possible? How did I not know the answer to that? Am I really a Veterinary Medicine student? What if it was Dengue? Or Tetanus toxoid? My boyfriend called both my mom and dad Saturday afternoon and my mom drive from Nueva Ecija to Los Baños – which is a 6 to 7 hour drive – in the middle of a party for my grandmother.<br />
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When my mom arrived, we went to the hospital and got tests done and as it turned out, I had Urinary Tract Infection, with "complicated" attached to it. My mom got me everything I needed from meds to medical certificates in case I couldn't come to class in the next few days. She also scheduled future lab tests that I have to do when I get back just to make sure I was completely okay before I start attending classes again. She also took care of my laundry, brought me home, paid for everything that needed paying for, and now promised to drive me back to Los Baños after her shift at work.<br />
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Everything that transpired over the past few days made me realize how much I missed home. I thought I was okay that Friday night, but now, looking back, I remember drinking a lot of softdrinks and coffee. I remember eating junk food because I was too busy preparing for an exam to eat a proper meal. I remember sleeping at 2 in the morning and getting up 4 hours later for a 7am class. I was tired. And maybe getting sick was the right reminder that no one's going to take of me – because that's my job now. I have to take care of me.<br />
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I'm immensely grateful for my boyfriend who devoted his entire Saturday trying to nurse me back to health (even though he says I'm his most difficult patient). I love you, babe. I'm sorry our plans for the weekend didn't push through.<br />
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I can't even begin writing about my mom without crying. I missed her so much and I never realized it until I needed a mom again. I'm incredibly grateful to have such a strong woman in my life, who's so full of love.<br />
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And the reason why I think some of my decisions are wrong is because I realized that my mom's not going to be here forever. And I chose to spend 6 years away from home. I chose to study away from home. When I should have transferred when I got the chance. I'm scared that one day, when everything gets too heavy and too hard, my mom won't be there anymore to catch me. I'm scared that when she gets taken away, I won't be there. I'm scared that I'm going to miss out on a lot more mother-daughter things because I won't be home. And all of that just breaks my heart.<br />
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But my mom raised no quitter. So I'm going to get up and recover as best as I can and keep going. I'm going to make sure I graduate on time so I don't spend more than 6 years in vet school. Right now, it's not about getting high grades anymore, but it's just about being enough. I'm tired of pushing myself to the limit and not understanding what the consequences for my health might be. This is an oath to take care of myself better to get by. Because I have to. I have dogs and cats and reptiles and birds to save. I'm going to make my parents, and all the people I love, proud of me. I'm going to make myself proud of me.<br />
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Even if it's just for getting by.<br />
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One day at a time.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-88272493673887246582019-07-31T13:17:00.002+08:002024-01-06T01:56:50.038+08:00What Three Seasons of Grey's Anatomy Taught Me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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While I'd like to say that my summer days was spent on glorious beach trips and parties, the reality is that I've been watching a <b>lot</b>. I caught up with my Watch List on Netflix, my subscriptions on Youtube, and even some missed livestreams on Twitch. On this blog post, I'd like to focus on the things I've learned from binge-watching Grey's Anatomy.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>I'm moving out of our house and moving back in my dorm once again on Friday. It's time for another year of vet school. One way of coping up with that reality for me is watching Grey's Anatomy. I binged seasons 1 and 2 with my mom, and now I'm about to finish season 3. Here are the things I've learned so far:<br />
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<li>I do not like McDreamy.</li>
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Sorry, I really need an outlet for this. My boyfriend is the most loving and kind person, but I know he has had enough of me ranting about how much I dislike McDreamy. I didn't hate him right away, I <b>mean he is a beautiful man</b>, but he also hurt Meredith :( And I just can't get over the fact that he gets to come back into her arms just like that.<br />
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And I hate how irrational he can be sometimes. His random bouts of anger misdirected at Meredith annoys me so much. Like when Meredith told Mark Sloan about rumors of the chief stepping down and McDreamy got angry at Meredith for giving Sloan a reason to stay. The chief stepping down wasn't a secret that Meredith was supposed to keep. And I just can't let go of McDreamy calling Meredith a slut for sleeping with other guys that are <b>not him</b> when he chose to fix things with Addison. You can't blame Meredith for how she fixes what you broke, okay? >:-(</div>
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<li>Human Medicine, maybe?</li>
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When I first watched Grey's Anatomy, I thought: "<i>maybe if I watched this show earlier, I would have pursued human medicine</i>." And for a while, that thought stuck. To be able to help people live longer and have happy, health lives? To go into a hospital every single day, being paid to save lives and get to know people's histories and just be exposed to how big the world is. </div>
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<li>I do not want to pursue Human Medicine</li>
<li>I am both Christina and Izzie</li>
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But then I'm also reminded of why I chose the medical field I am in now (or at least studying to be in). Human Medicine isn't always stitching up people and saving their lives. Humans are incredibly complex, not just our bodily systems, but how we think and how we react to things. I will never, ever be able to face a person's family member and tell them I couldn't save their loved one. I will never be able to go into a surgery room unbothered and detached from the stories of the person lying on the surgical bed. </div>
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I will never be as brilliant as Christina, but I'm as hardworking and goal-oriented. But I'm not as stoic and detached. I will never be as kind as Izzie, but I care about the patients I will be working with and I can't not be involved in what's beyond their physical bodies.</div>
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<li>I want to be a Veterinarian</li>
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I want to be in the medical field, but I can't operate on humans. But this isn't the sole reason why I want to be a Veterinarian. I want to study veterinary medicine because while stories of humans being cured and living their best lives are heartwarming, stories of animals undergoing the same cannot be told as easily.</div>
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Animals are one of the biggest blessings humans will ever get and most of us don't realize that. Often most of forget. We think we're superior beings just because our brains are more developed and just because we communicate better. But I've seen animals with bigger hearts than some humans. Dogs are kind, loving, and loyal - even when the world is cruel to them. Cats are aliens, but can somehow comfort humans better than any other non-alien interaction. Spiders are scary but are some of the most strategic and smart predators out there. There is so much more. And while humans are amazing and human medicine is fulfilling, I know the same can be said about animals and veterinary medicine.</div>
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<li>Meredith should've chosen Fin :)</li>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-52907265604785800502019-05-14T11:54:00.000+08:002024-01-06T01:56:59.815+08:00Untitled<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm done being silent. I'm done suppressing sentiments about the current state of Philippine politics just to avoid being criticized or lectured by older family members and friends. I'm done reserving my thoughts about murderers and plunderers in this country because of fear that my church leaders would see it and talk to me about it. I'm done.<br />
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Honestly, shame on everyone who voted for murderers and plunderers. They don't deserve a seat in the Senate. They never will. Don't give the <i>"pwede pa silang magbago</i>" (<i>They can still change</i>) argument to me because <b>hello they <u>should</u> have changed before they ran for the Senate</b>. I'm so angry at everything that's happening to my country.<br />
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This is the first time in so long that the Filipinos have candidates like Chel Diokno, a Human Rights lawyer, Samira Gutoc, a civic leader in Marawi, Leody De Guzman, a representative of the labor force that <i>actually </i>knows what's going on and cares about this sector. Neri Colmenares, zero accounts of corruption in his 3 years of service. And yet...<br />
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Every single one of the current Top 12 Senators are either supporters of our murderer of a President, a land grabber, a plunderer, or just plain dumb. Bong Revilla has 16 accounts of graft, <i>while he was stead</i>. Imee Marcos is the daughter of a dictator and has current cases in Ilocos for misuse of tobacco funds. Lito Lapid is,,, a fucking,,, actor. I could go on and on, but you could do your research. It's a Google inquiry away. With this said, none of these people deserve a seat in the Senate. None of them are representative of the Filipinos who want real change. But here they are. With millions of votes.<br />
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And I don't blame the masses. I'm fortunate enough to receive the education I have. I'm so lucky to have a roof over my head and food on the table. I'm fortunate to not have to sell my vote in order to get my allowance for the week. The misinformed masses are not the culprits. They are all victims as well.<br />
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The government knows that when they educate the people, they can no longer scheme, lie, and cheat to them. So they don't educate them. They blatantly lie and cheat these people. Thousands of Vote Counting Machines malfunctioned during the election, there were hundred of reports that their ballots didn't reflect the choices on their receipts, and there were people who weren't even allowed to see their receipts! This is the dirtiest elections I have ever witnessed. The masses are offered large amounts of money for their votes. Their needs are exploited by these power hungry officials who could care less about the masses. And don't tell me I don't know anything about the masses because I'm not part of it. I'm neither a Jew nor a German but I <i>know </i>what Hitler did was terrible, so just don't get me started on that. I can <i>see </i>what's happening. Don't try to tell me otherwise.<br />
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Don't also tell me <i>na mag-aral na lang</i> (just study) because I <i>am </i>studying. Which is why I'm <i>fighting</i>. <i>Sayang yung mga pinag-aralan ko kung hindi ko naman kayang i-apply </i>(My education will be put to waste if I don't use it). UP doesn't only teach me the hard sciences, but also the morals and responsibilities that come with being an <i>Iskolar ng Bayan</i>. This is <i>my </i>country as much as it is yours. And I'm willing to fight for it.<br />
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And to people who genuinely support our president, to that church leader who posted about Duterte ending political dynasties and the drug war eliminating the<i> barangay</i> captains and <i>kapitans</i> who seemed impossible to be unseated, honestly, <i style="font-weight: bold;">check your privilege</i>. Honestly, how can you praise Duterte for his "achievements" during his drug war when there were so many casualties? More than 20,000 people dead. Most of those are people from the slums. People who couldn't defend themselves. People who were also just victims.<br />
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How can you praise Duterte for all of this? You look at the good side and fail to recognize that there are <b>so </b>many bad sides. Drug addiction is a <i>sickness</i>. There are countless studies that support this. It's time we start treating it as what it is. This bloody drug war is anti-poor. Hundreds of news articles show this. And if you think that Duterte ending political dynasties and instigating fear to control people is worth all of these lives, then I don't think we believe in the same God. I don't think we belong in the same church.<br />
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I just find it <b>so </b>hard to believe that people I see in church, people I sit through testimonies with, people I watch stake conferences with, can have the guts to watch the poor die and suffer. I know I haven't been as active in the church, but I <i>know</i> this isn't what my leaders taught me. I <i>know </i>this isn't what Jesus and Heavenly Father wanted us to learn. Out of everything I learned in church as I grew older, <i>empathy </i>was one I was always most thankful for.<br />
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It's saddening to think that not everyone in church got to learn it.<br />
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I know a blog post won't do much. I don't even think I've got an audience here enough to make even the smallest echoes. But I don't care. I'm here to manifest what I believe in, I don't care if nobody is listening. Today, I'm going to be out there, in the streets, with the people. Because you can cheat your way to that Senate seat, but the parliament of the streets will prevail.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-71674703273242201112019-03-08T23:11:00.001+08:002019-03-08T23:13:21.097+08:00000: I Hope Someday You See This<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I was going through my drafts and saw this post I wrote quite a long time ago. I completely forgot this even existed and I was about to delete it since this was such a long time ago + I just celebrated my one year anniversary with my current significant other (woop woop), but I thought that would be a waste. <i>Sayang naman yung ~learning experience~ </i>from this post (<i>charot</i>). I was so SO hurt after this relationship and I thought I'd never get over it, but this just proves that shit gets better. It always does. :)</b><br />
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It will probably take me more than one try to finish this and finally press that Publish button.</div>
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10-22-15</div>
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<a href="https://31.media.tumblr.com/febc032af74f7c86d068d02a5610a4de/tumblr_nwek552zq51s5wfvgo1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://31.media.tumblr.com/febc032af74f7c86d068d02a5610a4de/tumblr_nwek552zq51s5wfvgo1_500.gif" width="212" /></a>It took me a while to finally decide to write something <strike>about</strike> for you. I've always reasoned out that my feelings for you can never be put on paper because they're indescribable. It sounds funny coming from someone who claims to be a writer who writes to express. I thought no words could perfectly convey how warm and fuzzy my stomach feels like whenever you're around and how fast my cardiovascular muscle pumps blood through my circulatory system when our eyes meet, but here I am, finally writing down stuff about you, for you.</div>
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I wrote "<i>you</i>"<i> </i>four times within that paragraph. I may just be a bad writer who doesn't know how to use pronouns properly or I really, really like <i>you</i>.</div>
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That was me trying to be poetic.</div>
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10-25-15</div>
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I used to be this girl who was head over heels for a guy who would never look at her the same way. I even wrote him <a href="http://sempiternal-reader.blogspot.com/2014/08/i-wrote-this-for-you.html" target="_blank"><b>this</b></a>. I was so sure that that was the extent of any romance I'm ever going to get in life. How rude of you to just come into my life and change everything.</div>
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10-31-15</div>
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I swear, you are the <i>only </i>person who is not weirded (this isn't even a word) out by the fact that I stayed up until 11:59 PM last night just to greet you a Happy Halloween and sent you "scary" stuff. You didn't even tell me to just go to sleep, instead you went along with it and even found it funny. I could end the post right here. That alone is enough reason to explain why I like you.</div>
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But there's just so much more reasons and I cannot leave them out.</div>
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11-13-15</div>
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Happy Friday the 13th. Happy 9th month. You're an idiot.</div>
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11-15-15</div>
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When I said you were an idiot 2 days ago, I meant it. The problem is, I am also an idiot. I was irrationally pissed off at you and I'm sorry. I'm really happy you didn't give up on me or got angry (despite the fact that I ignored all 38 messages from you). We have highs (most of the time) and lows (this, right now), but I swear there's no day when I'm not grateful you're part of my life. Even when we're fighting (or in this case, even when I'm super pissed at you).</div>
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11-17-15</div>
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You listened to Made in the A.M. for me! Okay, maybe not entirely for me. But you did trust me enough to follow my recommendation. You <i>loved </i>A.M. and Infinity and you have no idea how happy it made me when you told me about how good these songs were.</div>
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11-18-15</div>
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It's these kinds of night when I'm left with my own thoughts. Sometimes I feel insufficient. I feel like everyone around me deals with feelings so well and I don't know why, but I can't do that. Like, I'm always asking for something or looking for something, when in fact I should just be enjoying whatever I have. I hate how complex I assume situations are where in reality they're insanely simple. I also hate how much I overthink about every little thing. </div>
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12-06-15</div>
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It's been a while since I updated this post. Maybe it's because I've been spending so much time with you that I need not any words to put here to make me remember how much I like you. Did that even make sense? Or maybe the reason for the short hiatus is crapload of schoolwork and hours of practice for Carol Fest next week. You've been really nice; climbing 4 flights of stairs to see me during vacant periods and dealing with how moody I've been.</div>
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A few days ago, last Friday, I think, you gave me matchstick. You said [in the vernacular]; "<i>para match tayo</i>." (in English, roughly "so that we're a perfect match"). You also gave me a DIY batarang made from a frisbee? I found it insanely cute.<br />
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12-17-15<br />
(I'm cheating and writing this on the 18th)<br />
I thought today would be a disaster. There were major changes in the schedules which messed up all Christmas party plans. But it still ended up being amazing. There were a few slight changes, like not getting to the dessert buffet place on time (devastating, I know), but I had a <i>lot </i>of fun. Thanks for walking me home, sorry I couldn't do the same. Thanks for making me laugh <i>so much </i>today. Thanks for lending me your sweater when it got really cold. Thanks for carrying my bag for me. Thanks for the Christmas gift you gave me (HAHA). Thanks for today.<br />
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Oh and thanks for giving me a hug before you went home!<br />
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12-19-15<br />
I was so happy yesterday due to some after effects of the night before. You never fail to amaze me with how awkward and funny and weird you are. I love how extensive our shared knowledge on the color of poop of constipated people are. #RelationshipGoals.<br />
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Also, taking advantage of the new Star Wars sticker sets on Messenger with you was fun.<br />
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01-17-15</div>
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Wow days went by really fast. I seem to have neglected updating this post. We had a little trouble getting through 2016 (literally) when we fought a few days before the end of December, but we were able to fix it and I'm really happy that we did.</div>
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The sad thing is, last night we fought again. Or at least I thought that was a fight. Sometimes I can't tell you things in fear that you might dislike me for what I say. It's a shallow fear, I know, but you mean a lot to me and I don't want us to lose whatever we have.</div>
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But today, I question that.</div>
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Here is everything I could never tell you last night.</div>
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All I wanted was a bit of effort from your part. Exactly a year ago on the 14th of January, was the first time we went on a date(-ish) along with some friends. <i>We </i>asked you guys on a date. This year, I was expecting so much. I thought that this time around, <i>you </i>would ask me. But you never did.</div>
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We're really young and we have a lot to learn, but one of the things I struggle with all the time is the fact that you don't seem like you actually want to be around me sometimes. You don't make an effort to see me. Yes, we talk everyday, but it's through the aid of the internet and a phone or a laptop.</div>
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I don't think I need to say this, but I will: I make an effort to see you and talk to you because I <i>want </i>to. I don't need any other reason. So, why do you? You borrowed my friend's umbrella so you could return it to her and have a reason to see me. <i>Couldn't you just have gone up to see me? </i></div>
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You say <i>I love you</i>, and you say you mean it, but why are your actions betraying your words?</div>
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01-23-16</div>
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Guess who forgot to update? Me. Thankfully, we fixed the fight.</div>
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We both agreed to give it one <strike>last</strike> more try. I thought I was making the wrong choice for a second, but you proved me wrong. You did change. And I tried my best to do so too. </div>
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You began exerting more effort; visiting me on a daily basis, recognizing the line between being clingy and caring, and all the while being an amazing person. I'm trying not to be super needy as well and I've been working on being less emotional. I am so grateful that we're both working it out and I really hope we'll get it right.</div>
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This week has been super, super crappy. And I mean <i>extra </i>crappy than all those other crappy weeks, but you helped make it okay.</div>
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To be really honest, I like our odds too.</div>
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03-27-16</div>
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Wow I've completely neglected this post. I can't believed I missed several significant events that should matter like Valentine's and our first year anniversary, but meh right now what I think matters is that we're making it work? Idk. </div>
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04-23-16</div>
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Last night we had a fight that ended at 2 in the morning, thankfully not in tears. I still learn new things about you everyday, and I still love them all. Except maybe the fact that you don't love dogs as much as I do. Don't worry, I can live with that.</div>
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05-13-16</div>
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Happy Friday the 13th :):</div>
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I'm sorry.</div>
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08-28-16</div>
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I don't know what to do. But I do know that I still like you and I care about you.</div>
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All the love's still there I just don't know what to do with it now.</div>
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09-28-16</div>
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Hi, I know we don't see each other as often anymore and our conversations get a little duller everyday, but please know that I still love you.</div>
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10-13-16</div>
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Thank you for a year and 8 months.</div>
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10-23-16</div>
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Hi, I hope you're doing well. Take care of yourself, okay? I'll always be here for you if you ever need anything. But for now, good bye.</div>
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11-18-16</div>
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I never thought I would still update this given the circumstances; 1. there isn't an <i>us </i>anymore, 2. we are strangers to each other now, and 3. it hurts to write about you. </div>
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But here I am. Because even though it hurts to write about you, for some stupid ass reason, I love doing it. Pain reminds us we're alive daw eh sabi nila. Full to the brim with happiness and laughter, you used to make me feel so alive, </div>
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You still do.</div>
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But now it's the pain that reminds me that I'm alive and I <i>feel</i> ever so deeply.</div>
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Idk. Idk what this is.</div>
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12-22-16</div>
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So many things has happened, I don't know how to keep this updated. I'm not entirely sure if I have plans of actually keeping this updated though. We're still not back together. You've already told me that the chances of that happening are nonexistent. It hurt. It hurt like hell. But for some reason, it also helped me realize that if this decision makes you happy, then I am happy for you.</div>
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You will always have a special place in my heart. </div>
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I wish you well. I love you.</div>
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02-07-17</div>
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I have absolutely no idea when this thread will stop. I hope it does soon :(</div>
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But yay we got to see each other today and eat out and just talk after what felt like such a long 3 months. I hate how we pretended as if nothing big ever happened. I hate how we ignored the fact that we ignored the fact that I had been crying everyday for 3 months. I hate that I had so much fun I couldn't bear to be angry or spiteful.</div>
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I had so much fun today. I missed you so so much.</div>
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11-02-18</div>
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This is it. We've gone full circle. It's been two years. It's time to finally publish this, I think. Our adventures were great. I will be forever grateful to have met someone like you. I'll see you around, 'kay?</div>
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<b>Never really thought I'd say this, but man that relationship was <i>wack</i>! It really does get better. There really were happier days that came after. I was young and I didn't really know much about relationships, but I'm glad that I got through that. That shit hurted, but y'know life goes on and I'm happy with where I am and who I am with now. :)</b></div>
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<b>All the love,</b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;"><b>Andrea</b></span></div>
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Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-55866004642648359942019-01-10T21:57:00.000+08:002019-01-10T21:57:10.911+08:001st Semester as a Vet Student a.k.a college is so hard pls help me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.quickmeme.com/img/2a/2a57f1157e6695d1c05e8e4de56ba772c010f4d5f276f038b8877837035cbd8f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.quickmeme.com/img/2a/2a57f1157e6695d1c05e8e4de56ba772c010f4d5f276f038b8877837035cbd8f.jpg" data-original-height="417" data-original-width="625" /></a></div>
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I'm posting this a few days before my second semester starts, but I wrote it a few days into the end of my first semester. Messy, but let's roll with it.<br />
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My last finals exam a.k.a the exam that marks the beginning of my freedom was last Wednesday. But the fact that my first semester is done has only sunk in now. My brain still feels weird about not having to finish a to-do list.<br />
<a name='more'></a>My first semester as a Vet student was a lot of things. It was mostly hard, but fun too. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it flew by pretty quickly. Of course I couldn't say the same during nights when I was losing sleep doing lab reports and philosophical papers. <i>Those nights</i> made it seem like this semester would never end.<br />
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Believe it or not, I still have trouble comprehending the fact that <i>I'm here</i>. I'm in my dream university pursuing a program that I really like. However, I'm also having trouble accepting the fact that <b>this shit is hard</b>. I have literally broken down a <i>lot </i> of times during the semester and I had a huge mix of sleepless nights and days full of sleep <strike>when I admittedly missed school</strike>. I know I was all giddy and excited about college and moving in and studying away from home, but I didn't know how hard it was going to be.<br />
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I spent about half of my first sem trying very hard to adjust living away from home and my family. I was also so used to having an automatic set of friends like in high school, so it was definitely challenging when I found myself walking from my dorm to my buildings and vice versa <i>alone</i>. I was eating lunch alone, doing homework alone, and I have this newly realized lack of social skills.<br />
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Despite all of that, believe it or not, <i>I want to stay</i>. My college is full to the brim of people who are so passionate about what they're doing. My first ever major course is VMED101 and it's about Animal Welfare. My prof was incredibly passionate about what he's teaching and it was definitely one of my favorite classes so far.<br />
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<a href="http://www.quickmeme.com/img/60/60bb1ee1377d55287a9b85acff106cb6c600ae97e378a5ed716e0a90bcd2d495.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.quickmeme.com/img/60/60bb1ee1377d55287a9b85acff106cb6c600ae97e378a5ed716e0a90bcd2d495.jpg" data-original-height="380" data-original-width="530" /></a></div>
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I was also constantly in a room full of people who loved animals! I had so many classmates who had silly stories about their cats or dogs or lizards. I struggled a bit with getting close friends, but everyone really was very nice. I just had to learn how to open up again. I'm not proud of how many friends I made this sem, but I'm extremely grateful to have met so many amazing people in class.<br />
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My chemistry subjects were also hella hard, but I had a really good lab instructor and I will also be forever grateful to have been <i>that</i> blessed to have him as a prof on my first year as an iska. It was an emotional roller coaster (I <i>barely </i>passed my lecture class in chem!), but it was a pretty good experience.<br />
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I have a lot more stories, but I'm quite sure I won't be shutting up about college soon so let's just schedule that some other time.<br />
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I believe this is a good ending to this post:<br />
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<a href="https://media.makeameme.org/created/i-will-survive-cr98hd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="770" data-original-width="600" src="https://media.makeameme.org/created/i-will-survive-cr98hd.jpg" /></a></div>
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I hope ya'll have an amazing 2019. I have a little less than 4 days before my second sem starts and I can't say I'm excited, but <i>come at me</i>. I am ready.<br />
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To cry again.<br />
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All the love,</div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-75868823495768335752018-10-02T22:46:00.000+08:002018-10-02T22:46:04.444+08:00Officially an Iska + My First Two Months in College<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://ovcca.uplb.edu.ph/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/uplb-admin-building.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="267" data-original-width="800" height="133" src="https://ovcca.uplb.edu.ph/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/uplb-admin-building.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Taken from the <a href="https://ovcca.uplb.edu.ph/" target="_blank">UPLB Office of the Vice Chancellor for Community Affairs website</a></span></div>
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I was going to whip up a post about my first two months in college, but I visited my drafts and found a half-baked post I wrote a few days before I was moving in to my apartment. I think it'd be pretty cool to include that along with what happened during my first month in college. I have three papers due tomorrow, but... I have nothing. Let's just keep going before I change my mind and abandon this post <strike>again</strike>.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>July 31, 2018</i></span><br />
I realized I never updated the whole college confusion post. The title pretty much gives it away, but for those who aren't familiar with the term <i>iska</i>, I've chosen to go to the University of the Philippines in Los Baños and take up VetMed! I <i>love </i>animals and it has always been a dream to be able to take care of them as a profession (I also get to wear pajamas to work, how cool is that?). Ateneo will always be one of my biggest what if's, but I'm happy with my decision and I can't wait to start my journey in elbi!<br />
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I'm moving into my apartment in 3 days and it's <i>crazy</i>. I haven't packed anything because <strike>I'm a crammer at heart</strike> it kind of still feels so unreal. I still struggle to grasp the reality that I'm a freshman in college, I'm going to my dream university, I'm going to be studying away from home, and one day I'm going to have DVM attached to my name. Los Baños is just a 3 - 4 hour drive from home, definitely not the farthest, but thinking of living there for <i>six years </i>feels extremely overwhelming. </div>
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It's also pretty exciting, to be honest. </div>
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I've only been to UPLB a couple of times for apartment hunting, and my medical exam & enrollment, but I already <i>love </i>it. The campus is beautiful (so are the people tbh) and everyone seems so kind. To any college student who might be reading this, you're probably rolling your eyes, <i>oh no not a star-eyed freshie again</i>. I know it's not always going to be all fun, but let me enjoy this while it lasts. I know UPLB will make me cry in the future so. </div>
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One of the big downsides of studying away from school is leaving the love of my life (<i>hindi ikaw, Abed</i>): my dog, Ponyo. But I know it'll be worth it because one day I'm going to be Ponyo's doctor!</div>
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I also recognize the fact that Veterinary Medicine isn't an easy field. But nothing worth doing is easy anyway. Hopefully, I love it enough to work past the struggles and still see the beauty in what I'm doing even when things get hard and dirty. I don't remember who wrote it, but I kept a little quote I found on tumblr and it has stuck to me ever since: "<i>Vet school will give you this incredibly broad education that means that you can turn your hand to a million things outside of clinical practice.</i>" And I am so <i>so </i>excited to see this for myself.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>October 2, 2018</i></span><br />
When they say college life is <i>hard</i>, boy, they ain't kidding. I've been planning this blog post for so long, you won't believe it, but one of the things I struggled (and am still struggling on) during my first few days in school was balancing work and rest. The amount of workload is no joke. I'm telling you right now, there's a reason college students are <i>so </i>tired. And I guess my system was new to such a heavy workload and I had so little experience in balancing all of them.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, I'm no newbie in multi-tasking <strike>and procrastinating and cramming</strike>, but in UP, my old ways didn't seem to be working. Half-baked essays and crammed worksheets received low marks (this is expected, I know, but it used to work in high school :< <i>sorry mom</i>). Heck, nowadays, even if my essay was well-written, it would still receive an average score. For the first few days, college was actually fun. But as the days turned into weeks, college felt more like crossing a war zone than a walk in the park.<br />
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Everyone seemed like they already knew what they were doing. I was, quite literally, a small girl lost in a <i>very </i>big university. Everything I thought I knew about myself was challenged. I was a decent ten-pin bowler so I took up duck-pin bowling as my Physical Education sport. I mean, how hard could it be, right? <i>Very</i>, apparently. I thought I was at least above average in Chemistry, but that notion was abandoned hard when I got 54 out of 100 on my first long exam in a Chemistry lecture class. The one that hurt the most, however, was how much I doubted my ability to write. Essays were my forte, anything that required writing was something I could easily pass. It turns out, almost everyone in UP felt the same. Everyone's a good writer, everyone can create mind-blowing essays. I joined UPLB's official publication <i>Perspective</i>, but I haven't really gotten anything to work on except for sorting out old issues and attending training sessions.<br />
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I guess they weren't kidding when they also said that you get to know your self better in college. I've also experienced a lot of firsts here (<i>not what you're thinking</i>). First time paying bills, doing groceries on my own, budgeting my allowance, paying rent, buying drinkable water, deciding where to eat every meal, and all the things that come with adulting. And it's <i>crazy</i>. I never thought I'd run certain errands that I get to run now.<br />
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To sum up, my first two months of college felt <i>surreal</i>. It had a lot of downs, but also a lot of ups. The first two months in UPLB gave me a taste of what would be a 6-year journey and it <i>scared the hell out of me</i>, but it also showed me that this is all going to be worth it. I won't stop until I get that DVM at the end of my name. But first, I gotta go finish that paper for VMED101.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
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Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-28252187443337771252018-05-15T19:31:00.000+08:002018-05-15T19:31:00.854+08:00008: Graduation and College - A Comeback Post<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #111111; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "san francisco" , "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "ubuntu" , "roboto" , "noto" , "segoe ui" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: nowrap;">Photo by </span><a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/pYWuOMhtc6k?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" style="background-color: whitesmoke; box-sizing: border-box; color: #999999; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; text-align: start; transition: color 0.2s ease-in-out, opacity 0.2s ease-in-out; white-space: nowrap;">Baim Hanif</a><span style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #111111; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "san francisco" , "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "ubuntu" , "roboto" , "noto" , "segoe ui" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: nowrap;"> on </span><a href="https://unsplash.com/?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" style="background-color: whitesmoke; box-sizing: border-box; color: #999999; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; text-align: start; transition: color 0.2s ease-in-out, opacity 0.2s ease-in-out; white-space: nowrap;">Unsplash</a><br /><span style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #111111; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "san francisco" , "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "ubuntu" , "roboto" , "noto" , "segoe ui" , "arial" , sans-serif; white-space: nowrap;">Photo edit by yours truly</span></span></div>
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I gotta admit, changing that blog sidebar information from "18 year old high school senior" to "19 year old college freshman" felt <i>really </i>weird. And yea b0i, ya home girl graduated high school! On that note, I should probably stop writing like that because I've shared this website/blog to several clients on my freelancing stint (yea b0i, ya home girl also has a job - well, occasionally anyway).<br />
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It's been a while since my last post (a while = half a year), and I don't really have a good reason for the absence. Just that I've been busy with enjoying ~senior year~ (enjoying = drowning in school work) and stressing out over college entrance exam results. I do want to keep blogging though (have you noticed that this is a recurring line on all my comeback posts?)!<br />
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I thought it'd be nice to start with a little update on school and college since I seem to talk about it on here a <i>lot. </i>See <i><a href="http://sempiternal-reader.blogspot.com/2017/07/007-college-entrance-tests-careers-and.html" target="_blank">journal entry #007</a></i> where I panic about college entrance exams and not knowing what I want to do with my life. I thought it'd be pretty cool to have my next journal entry about the same topic, just a tad bit happier.<br />
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All modesty aside, I qualified for the four most well-known universities in the Philippines (a.k.a. The Big Four) - which, to this day, will always be one of the biggest blessings in my life. All the studying all night <strike>and depression naps</strike> definitely paid off. They all didn't drop their results at the same time and there was so much existential crises in between the dates of exam results — but all of it pretty much paid off. <i>All. Of. It. </i>I am immensely grateful for the chance to choose between the four best (imo anw) universities in the country.<br />
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I guess the only forseeable problem right now is choosing where to go, right? I mean, that seems like an easy choice seeing that all four universities are among the best in the country. But the thing is, I'm still having issues with what I want to do with my life. Nope, that part, sadly, hasn't changed. The happy part of the post ends here, I guess.<br />
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The two universities I'm considering are Ateneo de Manila University and Unuversity of the Philippines. I know, <i>I know</i>. I once said that the latter was my dream university. It seems like an easy decision to make, right?<br />
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Wrong.<br />
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Choosing Ateneo de Manila means choosing a secure future. I was offered a scholarship slash sponsorship to study Data Sciences - all my needs such as transportation fees, allowance, and even housing needs are handled by the sponsor. I don't need to worry about a single things that involves money - which is a pretty good deal considering the fact that Ateneo offers an <i>expensive </i>education (of good quality though so). The downside, however, is that right after graduating, I would have to pay off all the money that was spent on me. So it's kind of like a loan. That's it though, right? This is the sign that I should definitely just choose my dream university.<br />
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Buuuut, I've been told that once I graduate and land my spot on the sponsor's company, I'd be <i>more than capable of paying back all the fees</i>. In short, they're assuring me a bright future. I'd have a job as soon as I graduate, I'd <i>earn </i>a <i>lot</i> in that job if I do well, and I'm basically well off after graduation. And it's enticing. I am enticed. So why am I considering choosing UP over Ateneo?<br />
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The course. Data Sciences has a <i>lot </i>of math. I saw the curriculum and it almost made me <i>cry</i>. I had to take up calculus again and data algorithms and statistics. I wanted college to be the years of my life where I finally, <i>finally </i>choose the path that I <i>actually </i>want to take. And data sciences just isn't that path.<br />
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So the clear answer, it seems, is UP, right? But the thing is, I'm worried about the expenses. My family isn't exactly the most well off. We could use the 4 more years of not having to worry about tuition in Ateneo. Well, there isn't tuition in UP as well, but my family would have to pay for my housing, my allowance, and generally the stuff I'd need for school.<br />
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I'm pretty much torn. Do I choose the safer, but <i>very </i>boring path? Or do I choose the unsure, but exciting path? I know, I know, Data Sciences won't exactly be boring all the time, I'm sure there'll be fun times. But I know myself. And I <i>hate </i>math. I would survive, but I would be <i>suffering</i>.<br />
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That's all I have for now. I'll try to keep you updated.<br />
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It's nice to be blogging again :)<br />
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xoxo,<br />
<strike>Gossip Girl</strike><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-70908107858551615192017-10-06T00:30:00.002+08:002017-10-08T21:13:28.363+08:00they both die at the end<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Check out that title that's in all lower cases for ~aesthetic~. It's literally midnight, I just finished Adam Silvera's newest book, <i>They Both Die at The End </i>and bOI did I die with them. I wouldn't really call this a review and I'd say it's pretty spoiler-free (the title already spoiled ya'll enough) so it's fine if you haven't read the book yet. Although, I highly recommend that you do.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><i>They Both Die at the End </i>is Adam Silvera's newest book. If he sounds familiar, that's 'cause he's also the author of <i>More Happy Than Not </i>which you might have heard of since it's pretty popular around the Booktube community. It's also one of my favorite books, so when I found out that Adam was releasing a new book last month, ya gurl spent güd money on a pre-ordered copy <span style="font-size: xx-small;">because I am impatient and my life revolves around books.</span><br />
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It took me quite a while to finish this book though since I had to study for CETs and school was in the way, but tonight, I finally had the time to just stay in bed and read. And that, my friends, is how I died.<br />
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The story revolves around Rufus Emeterio and Mateo Torrez. They live in the world where there's this company called Death-Cast whose job is to call you on the day you're supposed to die. On September 5th, a little over midnight, Mateo and Rufus receive their calls. The two are brought together by this app called Last Friend, where Deckers - those about to die - can find a new friend to spend their last day with. Mateo and Rufus meet up to hopefully have one last great adventure and to live a lifetime in a single day.<br />
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This book packs such an emotional punch, in a very Adam Silvera-way. And frankly enough, it's about dying - but it's also about <i>living</i>. It's about not wasting away your days being scared of taking risks. It's about not having to wait until your last day on Earth to tell your friends and your family how much they mean to you. It's about living your life instead of fearing when it will end.<br />
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<i>"I've spent years living safely to secure a longer life and look where that's gotten me. I'm at the finish line but I never run the race."</i></blockquote>
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Our world doesn't have anything like Death-Cast. No one will be able to tell you and no one will be able to know when your last day on this world will be. I guess the reason I found this book so endearing is because I felt like the message it was trying to give me was personal. Like it was some kind of hand-crafted slap to the face to remind me to stop being so afraid of everything to the point that I end up doing nothing with my life.<br />
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<i>"There has to be more to life than just imagining a future for yourself. I can't just wish for the future; I have to take risks to create it."</i></blockquote>
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<i>They Both Die at the End </i>is such a powerful novel because not only does it address thoughts about life and death so beautifully without sounding fake, pretentious, and apathetic, but it also highlights friendship, family, and love - and how strong these are.<br />
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<i>"You may be born into a family but you walk into friendships. Some you'll discover you should put behind you. Others are worth every risk."</i></blockquote>
My eyes are beginning to give up on me, so I think I'll wrap it up here. Ultimately, I think this book deserves to be read by everyone because it's a reminder - a simple message - to live our lives, love until our hearts burst, because we don't know when this is all going to end. Unlike books, there are no spoiler-y covers, no time stamp to your existence, no visible concrete ending.<br />
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I hope you have a wonderful day - wherever you are right now. Keep pushing on because hey you're already alive and you have all the time in the world to be dead, so stay alive, okay?<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">andrea</span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-25244497702038060432017-09-26T10:22:00.000+08:002017-09-26T10:22:17.176+08:00Monsters of Verity Duology Review(ish)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Ha, jokes on you (and me), this ain't a review, just a dump for everything I thought about <i>This Savage Song </i>and <i>Our Dark Duet </i>because I haVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS DUOLOGY.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><i>Monsters of Verity </i>is a duology by V.E. Schwab, "an American fantasy author best known for her 2013 novel Vicious, the Shades of Magic series, and for her children's and young adult fiction published under the name Victoria Schwab" (Wikipedia) <span style="font-size: xx-small;">kek #credible</span><br />
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I was reading <i>Our Dark Duet </i>in school a few weeks back and one of my friends(ish) came over and asked what it was about, so I let him read the blurb at the back. He then asked how the pacing of the book was and I said it was okay (even though I should've said <i>near perfect</i>). </div>
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He proceeded to give me a nod and a smile. "That explains it."</div>
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I took my book from his hands and squinted at my <i>friend</i>. "Explains what?"</div>
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"Some books have a cliché plot, but the pacing makes up for it, I guess."</div>
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<a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/friends-reactiongifs-time-11ykUODgXjAXZu">via GIPHY</a></div>
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As if the horrified look on my face wasn't enough, he continued, reciting the last line from the blurb at the back. "Which will be harder to conquer: the monsters they face, or the monsters within? It's like every other book you'll pick up in the fantasy section. The author must be really good at pacing, then."<br />
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<a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/friends-nervous-embarrassed-NERY7uUYtur4Y">via GIPHY</a><br />
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Guess what ya girl did to defend one of her favorite books of 2017?<br />
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Ya girl said diddly-squat to defend it. Instead, I offered to let him borrow the books once I was done. He gladly refused and then walked away.<br />
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Just to get this very, <i>very </i>clear: It's <b>his loss</b>.<br />
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This duology was anything but cliché. The blurb was <i>nothing </i>like the contents of these books. Perhaps it's just the fact that I haven't read a lot of books in my lifetime (kek no), but the Monsters of Verity duology introduces such an interesting concept.<br />
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In Kate and August's world, violence<i> literally</i> breeds monsters. When a person commits murder for example, a literal monster arises from this bad deed. It ain't no fluffy green monster either. It's a full-on monster that will feed on humans in all the ways possible (blood, bone, and soul). The monsters created depend on the bad deed done; the darker the crime, the darker the monster basically. The books (especially the first one) goes over the intricacies of this concept and <i>I am in awe</i>.<br />
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If that doesn't sound intriguing to you, then enlighten me, what does intrigue you?<br />
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Also, if that doesn't convince you of the brilliance of this duology, here's a little part of an <u><a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/teen/victoria-schwab-on-monsters-this-savage-song-and-staying-loyal-to-the-story/" target="_blank">interview Victoria Schwab did for Barnes and Noble Teen</a></u>:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #444444; font-family: Lato, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: 1.65; margin-bottom: 12px; padding: 0px;">
<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">What was the initial inspiration for what became <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/this-savage-song-victoria-schwab/1122494126?ean=9780062380852" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #d96630; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.6; text-decoration-line: none;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">This Savage Song</em></a>?</strong><blockquote>
I’m intensely fascinated by monsters. Not just the external and obvious kind that go bump in the night, but the kind that lurk within humans. My books tend to explore the theme of inner demons, and I wanted to play with that in a more concentrated way, to examine two characters: a monstrous boy who wanted to be human, and a human girl who thought she needed to be monstrous.<br />The inspiration for Verity itself came from a very dark place: reality. Surrounded as we are by so many acts of violence, I began to wonder: what if there was an aftermath? Not just the loss, the shrapnel, but something psychic, something cosmic. That question gave way to the monsters of Verity, each born from an act of violence.</blockquote>
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Can you imagine how many monsters would be in the world right now if all the violence actually bred demons?<br />
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<i><b>The Philippines would be filled to the brim with monsters.</b></i><br />
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There is so much more to this duology than just the blurb. One thing I can't not mention is the absence of the romantic subplot that tends to take over the story! I <i>loved </i>August and Kate's relationship. There was so much dry humor, but also so much care and love. I'm extremely impressed by how their friendship was built first before trying to incorporate romance unlike <i>some </i>books out there (*cough* Unbecoming of Mara Dyer *cough*).<br />
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Also, <b>violins</b>! There is a very special place in my heart for these small wooden string instruments, so naturally I was drawn to the covers of these books. Can we talk about how beautiful those covers are? They are freaking <i>stunning. </i>I have literally spent a <i>lot </i>of time admiring how neat these covers are.<br />
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And I think that's about it. I love this duology so, so much and I hope some of you would love them as well (if ever you decide to pick them up).<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">jokes on u this entire post was a pitch, not a review kek</span><br />
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<a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/friends-tv-phoebe-5jqx4jujnIble">via GIPHY</a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-62338032366035326832017-09-18T15:01:00.001+08:002017-09-18T15:01:19.880+08:00Manila International Book Fair 2017 and Matty's Mixtape for Moving On Relaunch<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: #f2f2f2; color: #111111; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: nowrap;">MIBF & Relaunch doodles by yours truly</span></div>
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a.k.a. one of the best Saturdays of my life so far. I've been anticipating this year's Manila International Book Fair ever since 2017 rolled in and I've been doing nothing but studying the past few weeks since it's CETs season, so I thought it would be nice to take a short break from all the stresses of being a senior, and go home.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Home is a distant island in a different planet, home is the second star to the right and straight on 'til morning, home is in between the pages of a book. I'm not one for big crowds, but book fairs are my zone, and this year, even though there was a quite literal sea of people, it was okay. I was home.<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://www.manilabookfair.com/" target="_blank">Manila International Book Fair</a> is Philippines' biggest book event. This year it ran from September 13 to 17, 2017 at the SMX Convention Center, Mall of Asia Complex, Pasay City. </blockquote>
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Now on its 38th year, the MIBF continues to be the country’s biggest and longest-running book fair. It showcases the largest and most varied collection of literature for leisure and academic reading. Everything you need from fiction bestsellers, to textbooks, to graphic novels, and even educational materials are all under one roof. Moreover, the MIBF is also the go-to venue for this year’s most awaited book launches and signings, dialogues with readers, contests, and other literary events. </blockquote>
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Running for almost four decades now, it has evolved from an event for the publishing industry and the academe to one of the most-awaited exhibitions for all sorts of readers. The MIBF has become a gathering of sorts for bookworms of all ages and walks of life to celebrate the joys of reading and the knowledge each book brings about. It has also been providing a venue for the exchange of ideas amongst players in the publishing and academic industry.</blockquote>
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On the morning of the book fair, I had to get up early and go to school for my report card. I went with my mom (which was the best idea ever). I didn't know that along with the report cards, they would also be giving out the class rankings. For some miraculous reason, I was ranked 4th in my class, which of course, made my mom very proud and agreed to give me more money for the book fair as a reward (see, best idea ever). After receiving my card, my mom drove home and I went to my friends whom I'd be spending the rest of the day with. </div>
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The entire day with them was honestly so wylde (yes, so wild that it's already spelled differently); I forgot my ticket to MIBF so we had to go to Fully Booked to get another one, the train we rode to the venue broke down in Ortigas (which was still quite a distance from Pasay), so we had to get on a bus, the line to enter the venue (when we finally got there 2 hours later) was <i>so long</i>, when we finally got inside, there were too many people in the Summit Media booth so we weren't able to attend Reese Lansangan's book signing (sad reax only), but we saw her and that was enough 💖. </div>
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We decided to start looking for the books we wanted. There were <i>so many people</i>. I kid you not. It was like a battlefield. We headed to National Bookstore first and I picked up <i>Our Dark Duet </i> by Victoria Schwab, which was the final book in her Monsters of Verity duology. I was so excited to see it there and <i>it was on a 30% sale </i>(like most books at the fair). We moved to Fully Booked's booth after and one of my friends picked up Jonny Son's <i>Everyone's a Aliebn When Ur a Aliebn Too</i> and I picked up <i>Nimona </i>by Noelle Stevenson. I cannot fully express how excited I am for this book, I swear.</div>
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Due to the rapidly increasing amount of people inside the first floor of the convention center and the fact that we only had about 3 more hours 'til we had to go to Katipunan for a book relaunch, we decided to head to the 2nd floor of the convention center. The 2nd floor was where the Children and Young Adult section was, and it had significantly less people so that was very neat. There was another National Bookstore booth there and I was able to pick up some pastel highlighters and <i>History is All You Left Me</i> by Adam Silvera. I am so ready to cry over this book.</div>
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Since the 2nd floor was a lot less congested, we were able to walk around and look for books that weren't on our lists, but seemed interesting. Me and my friends found Eros Atalia's <i>Ang Ikatlong Anti-Kristo</i> and we all pitched in for it. I'm not really a big fan of horror books, but I was psyched to read a contemporary novel in Filipino. It would also help a <i>lot </i>with my UPCAT preparations.</div>
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When we realized that it was already 5PM, we decided to start our journey to Katipunan if we wanted to make it to the venue before 7PM. A little background on what was supposed to happen in Katipunan...</div>
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<a href="https://twitter.com/frnnyglss" target="_blank">Roch Lazarte</a> of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCg4zSpKP85UZIaqR5SB_s-A" target="_blank">Words Anonymous</a>, a team of Filipino performance poets, was relaunching her book <i>Matty's Mixtape for Moving On </i>with a brand new cover, bonus content, and merch at Roots Katipunan. The relaunch had a portion called #DearKate where people could read letters they wrote to the Kate in their lives; "those you weren't able to tell your feelings to or never got closure from. whether it's about you finally moving on or just starting to acknowledge the fact that, actually, you weren't OK with what happened, it's alright. the relaunch is a safe space where you can share your feelings and previously unsent letters if you're brave enough to go up on that stage." -Roch</div>
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And so I signed up to read my letter to the Kate of my life. </div>
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Right, okay, back to the book fair.</div>
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When we stepped out of the Convention Center, we were greeted with a store branch of Fully Booked. Me and my friends were tempted to go in and search for the books we didn't find at the convention and well, let's just say we weren't strong enough to resist the temptation. My friend picked up a classic (I forgot the title!), even though the line was <i>so </i>long.</div>
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We exited Fully Booked at around 6PM. By then, we realized an hour was definitely not enough to get to Katipunan. And since I am a master at panicking, guess what ya girl did? Yepp, she panicked her ass off. Good thing I had sensible people with me hahahaha! I thanked all the gods above for my friends. The jeepney ride to the Taft Station was so long, so we asked one of our other friends back in Quezon City to book an Uber for us.</div>
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After about 30 minutes, we were in an Uber on the way to the station. We had exactly 30 minutes to get to the venue and this was what we had to do to get there: after the ride to Taft station, we would board the train to Cubao, and then switch to an LRT to go to Katipunan, and then ride a tricycle to Roots Katipunan (the actual venue) since it was too far to walk.</div>
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Long story short, we didn't make the 7PM cut. We did, however, make it in time for the event! I was so nervous about reading my letter to Kate, but watching members of Words Anonymous read pieces of the book to us, and fellow poetry enthusiasts read their letters to their Kates, plus a little push from <a href="https://twitter.com/JihadMeAtMyBest" target="_blank">Jihad</a>, I was, thankfully, able to get up and read my letter.</div>
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That was the first time in my entire life to share something personal, my own piece, to strangers - well, they weren't really strangers, some were people I looked up to, but you get the idea. It felt amazing to be able to get those words out. This was what pushed me to publish the piece here as well, even though I'm extremely insecure about my writing, as well as the fact that the piece was so personal and dear to me. The relaunch was my safe space, but this blog is also one of my safe places, so there. If you haven't read my Dear Kate letter yet, it's over here. </div>
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The rest of the night went incredibly well. My friends ended up reading letters to their Kates too (thanks, Jihad!), and it just felt so nice to be surrounded by such amazing people. Everyone was so kind to one another and sitting there, with my newly bought books with me, with friends surrounding me, I just felt at home.</div>
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May this be the first of many more moments like this. </div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
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That blog post was so freaking wordy, here have some pictures of beautiful books!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6u7ahGNIgj2HxWGtICXpntWjYeWe-aP1KvGPe7RewUexghhpshiosawmZZQ1vKTDTmrrdCb2uSC1_aPqmVwbuYnxrWu3-e-nQgWbrN7C1DkQmuNRepZP6YWMMzwRsaS6aMdfOcnkVJb1K/s1600/21769279_1935996026425490_1555560136_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6u7ahGNIgj2HxWGtICXpntWjYeWe-aP1KvGPe7RewUexghhpshiosawmZZQ1vKTDTmrrdCb2uSC1_aPqmVwbuYnxrWu3-e-nQgWbrN7C1DkQmuNRepZP6YWMMzwRsaS6aMdfOcnkVJb1K/s320/21769279_1935996026425490_1555560136_o.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW5pRy2Q_hRM4CKGonnWf4RmTDlOz8ye07VhpNLXaNToMZndWgPqeExK5B-RyCVCA1ZVovwN1mX1hQtbaar5-bCFW7s_7xDi6h9z8KAXOhbD5TObFF8BnjZZCaqMD_JAcg8ITq2sOVmN2G/s1600/21844375_1935999369758489_1060093373_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW5pRy2Q_hRM4CKGonnWf4RmTDlOz8ye07VhpNLXaNToMZndWgPqeExK5B-RyCVCA1ZVovwN1mX1hQtbaar5-bCFW7s_7xDi6h9z8KAXOhbD5TObFF8BnjZZCaqMD_JAcg8ITq2sOVmN2G/s320/21844375_1935999369758489_1060093373_o.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Sadly, I don't have pictures from the relaunch. But if you're interested in reading Roch's book, <i>Matty's Mixtape for Moving On</i>, which I highly recommend you do, it's on Amazon! Clear <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01GIM0P58" target="_blank">here</a> to check it out :)</div>
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Other links that you might want to visit:</div>
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCg4zSpKP85UZIaqR5SB_s-A" target="_blank">Words Anonymous Youtube Channel</a></div>
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(These aren't all of WA members, but here are the twitter links of those that were at the relaunch)</div>
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<a href="https://twitter.com/frnnyglss" target="_blank">Roch's Twitter</a></div>
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<a href="https://twitter.com/JihadMeAtMyBest" target="_blank">Jihad's Twitter</a></div>
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<a href="https://twitter.com/louisemeets" target="_blank">Louise's Twitter</a></div>
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<a href="https://twitter.com/abby_orbeta" target="_blank">Abby's Twitter</a></div>
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<a href="https://twitter.com/TrevorIsGood" target="_blank">Trevor's Twitter</a></div>
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<a href="https://twitter.com/zuelunsina" target="_blank">Zuela's Twitter</a></div>
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(Just click on them and it'll lead you to where ya wanna go. I am yet to find out how to change the colors of texts that are linked HAHA)</div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-48211520149070003872017-09-17T13:03:00.001+08:002017-09-17T13:15:16.834+08:00Dear Kate<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZY7IytBnaWAmlh9bRQatu7GpENYx4OLxTbWecapF3ePR5LRAQ8lS3J9GzDAEtXkqetY_yABE4_IrBFc871bsXIbYrGZ5KH1O7bI2yQp3P9lRsBJSmD9sO0KL3KgzYr1ZjnKuyXQhQB_D6/s1600/chang-duong-372839.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="681" data-original-width="960" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZY7IytBnaWAmlh9bRQatu7GpENYx4OLxTbWecapF3ePR5LRAQ8lS3J9GzDAEtXkqetY_yABE4_IrBFc871bsXIbYrGZ5KH1O7bI2yQp3P9lRsBJSmD9sO0KL3KgzYr1ZjnKuyXQhQB_D6/s1600/chang-duong-372839.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f2f2f2; color: #111111; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "san francisco" , "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "ubuntu" , "roboto" , "noto" , "segoe ui" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: nowrap;">Photo by </span><a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/F1UI4qDv1rQ?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" style="background-color: #f2f2f2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #999999; font-size: 14px; transition: 0.2s ease-in-out, 0.2s ease-in-out; white-space: nowrap;">Chang Duong</a><span style="background-color: #f2f2f2; color: #111111; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "san francisco" , "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "ubuntu" , "roboto" , "noto" , "segoe ui" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: nowrap;"> o</span><span style="background-color: #f2f2f2; color: #111111; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "san francisco" , "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "ubuntu" , "roboto" , "noto" , "segoe ui" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: nowrap;">n </span><a href="https://unsplash.com/?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" style="background-color: #f2f2f2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #999999; font-size: 14px; transition: 0.2s ease-in-out, 0.2s ease-in-out; white-space: nowrap;">Unsplash</a></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f2f2f2; color: #111111; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "san francisco" , "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "ubuntu" , "roboto" , "noto" , "segoe ui" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: nowrap;">Dear Kate sticker by yours truly </span></div>
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Context: I attended <a href="https://twitter.com/frnnyglss" target="_blank">Roch Lazarte</a>'s relaunch for her book <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30111789-matty-s-mixtape-for-moving-on" target="_blank">Matty's Mixtape for Moving On</a> last Saturday (More on this event in a later blog post). Days before the event, she asked if people would be willing to read their letters to the Kates of their lives during the relaunch and I was lucky enough to be given a slot. This was the letter to my Kate that I read during the relaunch.<br />
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Dear Kate,<br />
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Even after dozens and dozens of sent letters, believe it or not, there are still things I never got to say. Some I should've said when you left, some I should've said while you haven't yet, some I should've said more, some sweet, some bitter. Here is, hopefully, all of them.<br />
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In a numbered list, since you were always a lazy reader.<br />
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1. The day you tried on a new hairstyle and I just laughed and didn't say anything? It wasn't because you looked funny, nor was it because your new hair didn't suit you. It was because you looked so good, I didn't know what to say.<br />
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2. Ever since you played the violin for me, I have loved everything about that wooden string instrument. You made Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso mean more.<br />
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3. Most, if not all, happy One Direction songs are about you.<br />
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4. I treasure everything you've ever given me - from that match stick on Valentine's Day <i>para "match" tayo </i>- to the very first original composition you wrote with your guitar.<br />
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5. You make me happier than when Tom met Autumn on the 500th day in 500 Days of Summer. Wait, no. You make me happier than the day I got my dog. And I think that says a <i>lot</i>.<br />
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6. After we had our biggest fight, you told me that you loved me just the same. I never got to say me too. So, me too.<br />
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7. The first time you told me you loved me, the world stopped moving. To me, anyway.<br />
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8. I loved our own little version of scavenger hunt. You would recommend a song, a TV show, a movie, a book, and I would find the message that you wanted me to see, a piece of your heart you wanted to share with me.<br />
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9. I thought we could never be <i>really </i>sad if we were sad together.<br />
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10. You made the pronoun <i>us </i>mean so much more.<br />
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11. I have tried to rewrite the day you left so many times in the hopes that for some miraculous reason, I would be able to blur the lines between what happened and what I wish happened.<br />
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12. Every single time a song come on and there's a violin in it is like an entirely different heartbreak.<br />
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13. Most, if not all, sad One Direction songs are about you.<br />
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14. I was so afraid of losing you because I honestly have no idea how people could get to know you and <i>not </i>fall in love with you.<br />
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15. You make me sadder than when Tom realized the difference between reality and expectation, and that the Summer that would choose him and stay will always be just in the expectation, never the reality.<br />
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16. The day we broke up and I told you I loved you and still wished we could work things out, what broke my heart the most was that you didn't say me too.<br />
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17. The last time you told me you loved me, the world stopped moving. To me, anyway.<br />
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18. I'm supposed to be the faster reader, and yet you seemed to have reached the ending way before I even saw it coming. If there was anything all my books have prepared me for, it should have been heartbreak.<br />
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19. I still miss you. You'd think it would be less by now, but there are days when missing you is all I do.<br />
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20. I hope everything works out in the end for both of us. Even if it means that the pronoun <i>us </i>doesn't mean you and I together, but just you and I separately.</div>
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I love you. Perhaps, I always will.<br />
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Always,<br />
MattyAndreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-60114380063010096972017-07-27T20:23:00.001+08:002017-08-12T16:28:02.454+08:00006: On Writing Less<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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From writing around 5-7 posts per month to barely even writing any. Looking at my blog honestly feels so different now, compared to a few years back. I used to be so proud of all the content I put up and my blog was the only piece of work I was relatively proud of. Now.. Well, now, not so much.</div>
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You could argue that the content I used to put up weren't really that good, and I honestly couldn't agree more. Whenever I read through them, I cringe, yes, but I also remember being so excited to write all of those blog posts. I remember having this notebook where I planned the posts I wanted to write. <i>I remember having so much fun.</i><br />
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I can't exactly say the same for when I read my more recent blog posts. For most parts, I just sound fake. When I try to write something relatively happy, I end up deleting it even before it gets published because it feels either really fake or trying way too hard.</div>
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Like everything I write isn't really genuine anymore, ya feel? I feel like I'm always trying to be interesting, trying to be a "better writer", trying to catch up with how the internet works, trying to be something I'm not. Heck, my bio in the blog says "I try." (I've changed it though, so you won't see it anymore haha!).</div>
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For one thing, I know I still love writing. That love will never die, but I've been so conscious about how people will think of what I write that it kind of filters my writing so much. I don't think I'm making a lot of sense, but yeah that's how it feels lol.</div>
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I do, however, hope to be able to write more and not worry about what everybody else will say or think, because this is my blog. This is my little corner of the internet and if anything, it should reflect who I really am (tired and stressed? jks). I want to be able to write about anything again and <i>love </i>whatever it is I end up writing just because it's mine and I enjoyed writing it.</div>
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What a ramble-y post. Thankfully, it's short.</div>
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Thanks for stopping by :)</div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-51113999255977523762017-07-27T20:20:00.001+08:002017-07-27T20:26:17.364+08:00007: College Entrance Tests, Careers, and I'm Not Sure What I'm Doing With My Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbIEpSh5UxiXMliQzRSw5jfCtsAzBXtCsSTTv_KpoKBWpSXEwY1cCjeeY5S_whnerH1NNO80ApHVbQLZ7-TgpTVI2bysn2KZn0IgmkrPwHNhXaMCBtyNmZokZObUFNGXzLn4LepWbDpuNn/s1600/idk+wat+im+doing+tbh.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="315" data-original-width="560" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbIEpSh5UxiXMliQzRSw5jfCtsAzBXtCsSTTv_KpoKBWpSXEwY1cCjeeY5S_whnerH1NNO80ApHVbQLZ7-TgpTVI2bysn2KZn0IgmkrPwHNhXaMCBtyNmZokZObUFNGXzLn4LepWbDpuNn/s1600/idk+wat+im+doing+tbh.png" /></a></div>
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<i>So</i>,<i> </i>all 4 of the biggest universities that I wanted to get into just dropped their online application links this month and I completely lost my shit. I don't know what to do with my life and it's time to decide.<br />
<a name='more'></a><i> </i>I opened all links, stared at it for a good minute or so, closed 'em all, and then panicked my ass off because <i>holy cow poo </i>CET season is starting and I am so <strike>excited</strike> <strike>happy</strike> <strike>sad</strike> scared.<br />
<i><br /></i>
College entrance exams are less than 2 months away and I am <i>scared</i>. I feel like all my review classes, practice tests, and study sessions weren't enough. I feel so unprepared for one of the biggest things in my entire life. I really, really, <i>really </i>want to pass the UPCAT (<i>University of the Philippines College Admission Test</i> to those who might not know). I'm doing my best to prepare for it, but I just don't feel like I'm ready. I don't think I'll ever feel ready.<br />
<br />
I've been joining study groups ever since school started in June, but I still feel so unprepared. I feel like everybody will be so much better than I am and that I don't even stand the slightest chance to pass into my dream university.<br />
<br />
Passing the UPCAT is one thing, but choosing a career is a whole other struggle. I don't know what I want to be. If I were asked what I want my life to look like in 5 years, all I would say is <i>happy</i>. I want to be happy. Thing is, I have no idea which course, which career path, will lead me there.<br />
<br />
I'm currently a high school senior under the STEM track (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) but God knows my heart belongs in the liberal arts. That should give me a clear answer on what I should take up in college, right? Wrong. I honestly just feel so.. <i>guilty</i>(?) about taking up Creative Writing, or Journalism, or anything from the liberal arts because I feel like I would be throwing away 2 years of my life that I worked really hard on.<br />
<br />
I studied my ass off for Chemistry and Pre-Calculus (and Basic Calc at some point) for a passing grade and I feel like if I take up a course that isn't under STEM, all of that effort, all the all-nighters, all the things I've learned - all will be thrown down the drain and forgotten. And I just can't take that.<br />
<br />
I've considered taking up Veterinary Medicine because if there's a STEM related job that I can be proud of doing and be willing to exert all effort in, it's becoming a veterinarian. I love animals and it would be an honor to be able to spend the rest of my life being their doctor. The only issue is that VetMed is only offered in the Los Baños campus of UP. Los Baños is in <i>Laguna</i>. That's an entirely different city - it's a province!<br />
<br />
I know that would be an amazing adventure and I would definitely learn so many things, but I'm still really scared. If I do go to Los Baños, I'd be leaving behind everything. I wouldn't be able to see my family that much, most if not all of my friends are going to stay in Metro Manila, and I'd only get to see my pupper Ponyo a few times a month at most :(<br />
<br />
If I were to choose a non-STEM course, I would definitely go for Creative Writing. My love for writing is something that won't ever wane and it would be wonderful to learn more about it and grow as a writer. I'd also like to study Film. Due to a <i>lot </i>of school projects, I've grown to love filming and editing videos and presentations. The amount of group video projects I've written, filmed, and edited is <i>insane.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i> </i>There's just so much I want to be doing with my life, but I don't know what to put first. There are like so many little flames of interest inside me (film and creative writing are only two, I'm also considering taking up political science, marketing management, and even graphic design), I don't know which flame would burn the brightest and which flame I should be tending to first.<br />
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I'm just constantly this walking, talking body of confused thoughts on college. I want to get into my dream university, but I'm also scared that I won't get the program I really want even if I <i>do </i>get in (hopefully this isn't me jinxing it).<br />
<br />
I'm going to have to make a decision in the coming days. But for now, I think I'll stay confused for a while and think things through.<br />
<br />
Messiest post ever, I know :(<br />
<br />
I should probably go back to reviewing for the admission exams now.<br />
<br />
Help pls.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-13310810612178271112017-07-01T11:08:00.000+08:002017-07-27T20:15:07.702+08:00Steam Summer Sale: Game Recommendations<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Only a bit over a week left 'til the end of Steam summer sale, so I thought I'd whip up a blog post talking about some game recommendations because why not, right? I think a disclaimer is needed though, I ain't no gamer. I consider myself kind of like a casual.. uh.. player? But I do have a knack for finding [and completely obsessing over (so much for casual lol)] games with good art, pretty awesome plot, and cool freaking characters.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Hyper Light Drifter</b></span><br />
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<b> </b>I have been utterly obsessing over this game for about a week now. I've honestly been waiting for the Steam sale just to buy this game (thank u KickThePJ for introducing me to this game), and I don't regret a single cent. The mechanics of the game feels a lot like you're playing a Zelda game (which is honestly such a win for me).<br />
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And can we talk about how freaking breathtaking the art of this game is? The beautiful, beautiful pixelated style has me shookt and absolutely smitten. The soundtrack is a whole other story, it is one of the best videogame scores my ears have ever had the pleasure of hearing.<br />
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The best part? It's 50% off on Steam until July 5th! That's around $5 or $6 (315 in php!). Do yourself a favor and immerse yourself into the wonderful world of Hyper Light Drifter.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Don't Starve</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
I've had this game for quite a while now and if you're into the survival/crafting type of games (that you could potentially play for pretty much forever), you're going to love this game. It's 75% off on Steam (roughly 2 dollars, I think? It's only 105 pesos!). It's a Tm Burton-esque world which only means one thing: freaking neat art.<br />
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I'd say the game without any add-ons is already pretty decent, but if you have a few bucks to spare, you should throw in <i>Shipwrecked </i>or <i>Reign of the Giants</i>.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Life is Strange</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<b> </b>The game I feel like everybody already knows but still includes it in their game recs because it's <i>that </i>good. Life is Strange is an episodic decision based game, and the entire season (5 episodes) is 75% off on Steam - which leaves it priced at around $4-$5 and around 200+ in peso. I feel like I don't even have to speak much of this game because anybody can google this game and just be bombarded by good reviews and amazing in-game snaps of the beautiful graphics.<br />
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Lasly, but definitely not the least, the game Tumblr (and about everybody else) seems to love so much..<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Undertale</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<b> </b>This game, much like HLD pays homage to 8-bit and 16-bit game and also plays around with puzzles and exploration like Zelda (can you tell how much I love Zelda?) <i>plus </i>it's also a decision based game. As far as I know, you can go about taking this game in 3 different routes, which all lead to different endings. I'm sold.<br />
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Okay, so Undertale isn't really on sale right now.. but it's only around $6 (roughly 300+ in peso), and I just couldn't write a game recs post and not include this game.<br />
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Anyway, so that's pretty much it. Now that I think about it, this isn't a very good list since most of the games in here are pretty popular. I'd love to create a list with Indie games in the future though! I'll like the Steam store pages of these games down below for those who are interested in trying them out.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div>
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Links!</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<a href="http://store.steampowered.com/app/257850/Hyper_Light_Drifter/" target="_blank">Hyper Light Difter</a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<a href="http://store.steampowered.com/app/219740/Dont_Starve/" target="_blank">Don't Starve</a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<a href="http://store.steampowered.com/sub/56484/" target="_blank">Life is Strange</a></div>
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<a href="http://store.steampowered.com/app/391540/Undertale/" target="_blank">Undertale</a></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-83839997068287313022017-06-24T22:16:00.001+08:002017-08-06T11:00:46.510+08:00The Best June 2017 Pick-Me-Ups<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://unsplash.com/@nativemello?utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=photographer-credit&utm_content=creditBadge" rel="noopener noreferrer" style="background-color: black; border-radius: 3px; color: white; display: inline-block; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "san francisco" , "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "ubuntu" , "roboto" , "noto" , "segoe ui" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 1.2; padding: 4px 6px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank" title="Download free do whatever you want high-resolution photos from ian dooley"><span style="display: inline-block; padding: 2px 3px;"><svg style="height: 12px; position: relative; top: -1px; vertical-align: middle; width: auto;" viewbox="0 0 32 32" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><title></title><path d="M20.8 18.1c0 2.7-2.2 4.8-4.8 4.8s-4.8-2.1-4.8-4.8c0-2.7 2.2-4.8 4.8-4.8 2.7.1 4.8 2.2 4.8 4.8zm11.2-7.4v14.9c0 2.3-1.9 4.3-4.3 4.3h-23.4c-2.4 0-4.3-1.9-4.3-4.3v-15c0-2.3 1.9-4.3 4.3-4.3h3.7l.8-2.3c.4-1.1 1.7-2 2.9-2h8.6c1.2 0 2.5.9 2.9 2l.8 2.4h3.7c2.4 0 4.3 1.9 4.3 4.3zm-8.6 7.5c0-4.1-3.3-7.5-7.5-7.5-4.1 0-7.5 3.4-7.5 7.5s3.3 7.5 7.5 7.5c4.2-.1 7.5-3.4 7.5-7.5z"></path></svg></span><span style="display: inline-block; padding: 2px 3px;">ian dooley</span></a></div>
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I don't know about you guys, but June was shit to me. School literally started a few days into June and I already had to say hi to my old friends <i>stress </i>and <i>all nighters</i> on the 2nd week. The first few weeks of school were already so full of requirements and lectures. I died around 17 times.<br />
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It wasn't all that bad though, with the help of some amazing literature, music, and movies, I was able to pick myself up from the ground (literally) and haul ass to July. Here are the best pick-me-ups of June 2017.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<h2>
LITERATURE</h2>
Let's start with some good ol' books because this month was such a good reading month I can't even. I read some of the most amazing pieces of literature my eyes have ever set eyes on (not kidding) this month and I'm psyched to share them with you!<br />
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<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/19547856-simon-vs-the-homo-sapiens-agenda" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1402915678l/19547856.jpg" width="100" /></a><br />
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<b>Simon vs. the Homos Sapiens Agenda </b><br />
<i>Goodreads Summary</i><br />
<br />
Sixteen-year-old and not-so-openly gay Simon Spier prefers to save his drama for the school musical. But when an email falls into the wrong hands, his secret is at risk of being thrust into the spotlight. Now Simon is actually being blackmailed: if he doesn’t play wingman for class clown Martin, his sexual identity will become everyone’s business. Worse, the privacy of Blue, the pen name of the boy he’s been emailing, will be compromised.
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With some messy dynamics emerging in his once tight-knit group of friends, and his email correspondence with Blue growing more flirtatious every day, Simon’s junior year has suddenly gotten all kinds of complicated. Now, change-averse Simon has to find a way to step out of his comfort zone before he’s pushed out—without alienating his friends, compromising himself, or fumbling a shot at happiness with the most confusing, adorable guy he’s never met.</div>
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I truly, madly, deeply fell so in love with this book to the point that I literally tried to read slower because I just didn't want it to end. I absolutely <i>loved </i>Simon, as well as his friends and family because they all felt so real. Like, they weren't perfect paper cut-outs, they were <i>people.</i> They all made mistakes, they all <i>feel</i>.<br />
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My love for this book <i>grabe</i> I can't even begin to express how beautiful this story is. It's a light coming of age story about this boy and his coming out story - but it's also so much more than that.<br />
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5/5 stars, highly recommend. Can't wait for the movie!<br />
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<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9969571-ready-player-one" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1333576872l/12600138.jpg" width="100" /></a><br />
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<b>Ready Player One</b><br />
<i>Goodreads Summary</i><br />
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It's the year 2044, and the real world is an ugly place.<br />
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Like most of humanity, Wade Watts escapes his grim surroundings by spending his waking hours jacked into the OASIS, a sprawling virtual utopia that lets you be anything you want to be, a place where you can live and play and fall in love on any of ten thousand planets.
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And like most of humanity, Wade dreams of being the one to discover the ultimate lottery ticket that lies concealed within this virtual world. For somewhere inside this giant networked playground, OASIS creator James Halliday has hidden a series of fiendish puzzles that will yield massive fortune — and remarkable power — to whoever can unlock them. </div>
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Ready Player One has been in my To Be Read pile for so long and I finally picked it up and I am <i>obsessed </i>with it. I finished this book in a little less than 2 days, that's how good it is. I loved the story, the diversity, the pop culture references (I geeked out so many times throughout this book I swear)!<br />
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I honestly have a soft spot for books about videogames because I think they're so interesting and different. If you feel the same, I highly recommend this book!<br />
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MUSIC</h2>
It's been a good month for music as well because I've been spending a <i>lot </i>of time studying and moving around, which means I've also been listening to music a <i>lot</i>. I have this weird thing where I can't do anything for a long period of time without some kind of background noise or music. Or else I fall asleep. Because naps, amirite? Naps are love, naps are life.<br />
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<b>Awesome Mix Vol. 2</b><br />
Yep, the soundtrack for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. Honestly, how could I not? This playlist is so upbeat and old school and gah I love it so much. I blast these tunes whenever I go running or cooking or basically any activity wherein I can pretend I'm also in the middle of an epic battle.<br />
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<b>Dear Evan Hansen (Official Broadway Cast Recordings)</b></center>
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This musical. Oh my holy smokes, this musical. It gives me so much life. I almost always listen to instrumentals (ehem Vitamin String Quartet) when studying, but I would choose Dear Evan Hansen any day too. I love love <i>love </i>all of the tracks as well as the story. </center>
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I've also been listening to a lot of Filipino Indie the past few months, but I really feel like this deserves a whole other blog post, so I guess more on that soon. ;)</center>
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MOVIES</h2>
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I'm your typical broke senior so I didn't get to watch a lot of movies in the cinemas, so I only have 2 movies that kept me alive this month.<br />
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And <i>duh</i>, the first one is <b>Wonder Woman</b>. I will shamelessly say that Diana single handedly carried the entire DCEU (because she really did and I love Gal Gadot so much it hurts). Pictures of little girls dressed up as Wonder Woman makes my heart melt every single time I look at them because heck that right there is going to be the long-term effect of accurate representation of women in the media. Women <i>can </i>kick ass and are strong as heck. We're not damsels in distress. We're not scared of the dragon. We <i>are </i>the dragon.<br />
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The next film is a local movie called <b>Camp Sawi</b>, and it's the stories of these women who go to a trip to an island to "heal" from their heartbreaks. <i>I cried so many times while watching</i>. It was such a heart warming film, plus it features beautiful, beautiful views here in the Philippines!<br />
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Aaaand that's about it. I hope ya'll are having a much better June than I am. Enlighten me on what <i>your </i>pick-me-ups are and let's both cry about the beauty of these things because I am just so full of feelings.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
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Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-58320342140631746552017-06-11T13:30:00.000+08:002017-06-11T13:30:29.110+08:00Visiting the Pinto Art Museum in Antipolo<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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((Been working on this post for 2 months and today I've decided to hell with it, I'll just post whatever I've finished before I decide to completely rid the world of this post))<br />
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I've been spending a <i>lot </i>of time outside and no, it's not because I'm out partying or going on cool outdoor adventures. It's because I'm studying for college entrance tests in several review centers. I have classes every other day and I'm mostly doing homework in between, so I literally have no time for anything else.<br />
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Thankfully, last April 28th was a holiday! My mom, my sister, and I decided to go to the Pinto Museum in Antipolo.<br />
<a name='more'></a>I know jack shit about writing about adventures and travels [and art], mainly because I rarely do it. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is the first ever blog post where I write about going outside and doing something cool. But I hope it turns out okay. <i>Aight, eto na, start na talaga.</i><br />
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The <i>Pinto Art Museum</i> is home to paintings, sculptures, and other art installations of various local artists such as Antonio Leaño, Mark Justiniani, and Stephanie Lopez to name a few. They weren't Van Gogh famous, but their art, in my opinion, <i>should be</i>.<br />
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The drive wasn't too bad. It took us roughly an hour to get there, despite some traffic. We were charged P20 for car fee at the entrance of the Grand Heights Subdivision, and then the entrance to the museum itself cost a total of P400 - 2 students (P100/ea as long as you bring your school ID!) and 1 adult (P200).<br />
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Okay, before everything else, I am <i>not </i>a photographer, I am honestly the absolute worst at taking photos. But I want to share some of my favorite pieces from the museum, so I'm apologizing in advance for the ugly photos. I know they can never, ever compare to seeing the actual thing, but I hope these photos will convince you to pay a visit as well (because as I've said so many times, it was freaking wonderful).<br />
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We were given a map of the place, and I was overwhelmed because I honestly did not know it was <i>that </i>big. I expected it to be a one building kind of thing, but I was in for a huge shock. The entire lot houses 6 galleries, a small chapel, two small restaurants (I feel like cafe is a better term, but it <i>is </i>a restaurant), and a lot of greenery.<br />
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The map outlines a route that you could take to be able to walk around the entire place efficiently, but me and my sister got way too excited and we completely ignored the route, only using the map to know where we were and where we can go to next.<br />
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It took us roughly two hours to walk through all the galleries. There was <i>so</i> much art, and although I wasn't a fan of all of them (I doubt anyone can be - everyone's tastes differ, right?), there were so many that I just completely adored. I would never be able to show you all of them, but here are some of my favorite pieces;<br />
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The place isn't just for art enthusiasts, I feel like it's also a place for people who love nature and scenery. The terrain itself is art. There are a <i>lot </i>of stairs and a <i>lot </i>of walking, but all that sweat pays off because the scenery is, if not perfect, then quite close to being so.<br />
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There's a lot of walking around, and I guarantee that once you've been through all of the galleries, you'll be looking for food. Well, look no more. The place has 2 restaurants inside! They're basically the same, Cafe Rizal, run by Peppermill. It's a bit price-y, but let me tell you first hand that it's worth it (or maybe it was just because I was so hungy? Haha).<br />
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We ordered Santorini pasta (which I highly recommend - this was the best pasta I've had this year and <i>that </i>says a <i>lot</i>), Bourbon BBQ Pizza (which was also very tasty, but would not recommend that you order it with the Santorini pasta :< we realized this too late), and then we got different drinks. My mom got a Kiwi shake, my sister got a Watermelon shake, and I got a virgin lychee mojito (best. thing. in. the. world.).<br />
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Everything about the place was art in itself; the galleries, the compositions beside the paintings/art installations (which I may have just enjoyed a bit more than the pieces themselves :P), the terrain, the food. Maybe it's because I haven't been outside much since Summer began, but this was by far the best summer destination I've been to.<br />
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<i>Syempre </i>I'm going to end my post with a shitty panorama to top off my ridiculous photography skillz.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
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Links that might be useful if you're planning to pay a visit as well!<br />
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<a href="https://www.facebook.com/Pinto-Art-Museum-281376918562097/" target="_blank">The official Facebook page of the Pinto Art Museum</a><br />
<a href="http://www.nognoginthecity.com/2016/09/29/commuting-pinto-art-museum-antipolo/" target="_blank">A commuting guide to PAM</a><br />
<br />Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-60852683354320991892017-05-16T08:59:00.001+08:002017-06-30T16:52:28.988+08:00Seeing Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye Perform Live!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>photo via <a href="https://www.facebook.com/shutterpanda/" target="_blank">Shutterpanda</a></i><br />
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It's 12:42AM, I just got home about half an hour ago, I still have morning classes tomorrow, but I know one thing for sure — I have to write this down. I'm afraid that if I hold it off, I'll forget the genuine feelings I'm feeling (there are a /lot/).<br />
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If I told my younger self that one day I'd be able to see my favorite spoken word artists perform live, young Andrea would never believe me. Honestly, present Andrea still can't believe it. I wrote about Phil Kaye last year, and since then I've grown more and more interested in spoken word poetry. I bought poetry books, I watched a /lot/ of slam poetry, and I even wrote some of my own. Poetry became some kind of obsession. Hobby would be too shallow a word.<br />
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When Project VOICE announced that Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye would be visiting the Philippines for two shows; one in Cebu and one in Manila, I <i>knew </i>I had to go. The world seemed to have been in favor of this decision, because my review classes for CETs was moved, our school's enrollment was held in the morning, and someone offered me fan passes on the same day it sold out.<br />
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There was quite an adventure hours before the show, but that's a story for another day.<br />
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The show started at 7PM and members of Words Anonymous, a local spoken word group, opened for Sarah and Phil. I was thrilled to finally hear them performing live! I've only been following spoken word poetry in the Philippines for a while, but I love, <i>love </i>how talented these people are. Shoutout to @sergiewonder, @abbey_orbeta, and @JihadMeAtMyBest!<br />
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The moment Sarah and Phil stepped in stage, I was on the verge of tears (yes I am <i>that </i>emotional). I cried so many times because the poems I heard on screen, as well as new compositions, are being performed by Sarah and Phil themselves. No screen, no buffering, no 5 inch Sarah or Phil. It was real. And it was breathtaking.<br />
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My love for poetry and words grew. I loved how in a room full of people I didn't know, I felt like I belonged. We all shared a love for words and the music they can make through poetry.<br />
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After the show, we lined up for the photo op and signing, it was a pretty long wait, but totally worth it. I was <i>so </i>starstruck I couldn't say anything. I've been scouring the internet for the photos from the Meet and Greet, but I'm afraid the official photographer of the event hasn't posted them yet.<br />
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I'm definitely looking forward to attending more events like these, and exposing myself more to the spoken word scene in the Philippines.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
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Originally written on May 13, 2017. Edited and published May 16, 2017.Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-62742666412408948172017-04-30T18:03:00.000+08:002024-01-06T01:57:32.674+08:00Why Do You Read?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>Why do you read? </i>Has always been one of the most recurring questions I get from almost everyone I encounter. I guess it's a pretty reasonable question, I mean, reading takes up so much time, it strains your eyes, and it's expensive! I definitely understand when people ask why I do it so much.<br />
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But the thing is, reading is just like all the other hobbies; painting takes up time, strains eyes, and costs a lot! And so does all the other activities out there. I guess what makes a hobby or activity more exciting and meaningful is when a person decides that the time and money spent is worth it. All activities can be boring unless it means something to you.<br />
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And reading means a lot to me.<br />
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I've been reading for as early as I can remember (not even kidding). My parents were big readers and I grew up in a house full of books. My mom was fully supportive of my reading hobby [and fully funded all my trips to the bookstore]. I read a lot of middle grade books like Junie B. Jones, Amber Brown, and then those written by Andrew Clements like The Report Card, and a lot more.<br />
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As I grew older, I was introduced to more books [and series] that literally changed my life. My parents gave me their copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone when I was 11. I remember it being so old and ragged, so much that the pages weren't just yellow, they were brown! The cover was missing some colors, and some of it's edges, even! But it didn't make the book less magical.<br />
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Harry Potter changed my life in so many ways. I won't expound much on this because this post will end up being about Harry Potter, but this series will always have a special place in my heart.<br />
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Soon after, when I graduated middle school, I started reading more popular series like the Percy Jackson series, the Heroes of Olympus, the Hunger Games, the Maze Runner — my love for this trilogy, which you'll know if you've been here a while, is too much to explain in words.<br />
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Not that I wasn't able to appreciate reading when I was younger, but I just definitely appreciate it more now that I'm older. I feel like mainly because during my middle grade books phase, I assumed everybody was reading. I was used to being surrounded by people who read a lot (my brother and sister), that I just assumed everybody did it and everybody enjoyed and loved it as much as I did. When I grew a bit older, I realized that that's not really how it is.<br />
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A lot of people thought reading was boring. It was only a source of eye sore and wasted time. I couldn't agree less.<br />
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I read because it's the complete opposite of boring! Books tell stories that allow us to go to different places and experience different lives. Through books I was able to connect with paper characters and empathize with them. Does it ever hit you that millions of people have read Harry Potter, and each one has created a mental image of Hogwarts all on their own? I'm certain no Hogwarts would look exactly the same. And that's absolutely beautiful. We read the same words, the same stories, but the impact it has, the images we make from it, they all vary.<br />
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I am still in awe of how magical books are; they connect people all over the world. I've gained friends from Australia and the UK because of our shared love for Harry Potter. I've met dozens of writers, just as interested and amazed at the Maze Runner trilogy as I am. I've spent nights flipping through pages and building theories withe friends for the next installments of books we love.<br />
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I don't understand how books can be an eyesore. Have they even seen books? The covers are freaking incredible. Some are perfectly minimal, Here's a collection of some of my favorite book covers that are just breathtakingly beautiful:<br />
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Sure it can sometimes lead to bad eyesight, I admittedly, have bad eyesight because I used to read in the dark, but isn't that beautiful? No, not bad eyesight, but to be so engrossed in something to the point that you'd spend even hours after lights off for it?<br />
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As for the cost of books, well, that's something I honestly struggle with too. But writers, authors, are people who [mostly] write for a living. I know the pain of writing and I also know the joy of being rewarded after being able to work blood and sweat to produce a story, a book. So when I buy books, I try to set aside the fact that a large part of that money will go to the company of the bookstore. I like to think I'm thanking the writer for giving me something I'll treasure forever; his/her story.<br />
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And that's pretty much it. That's why I read.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">TL;DR</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">I read because it's magical, it's amazing, it's incredible, it's beautiful.</span></b><br />
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Anyway, it's been a while, I know. But I'm happy to be back and I'm looking forward to writing more. I'm not sure if anyone's still out there reading whatever I write, but if there is, thank you :)<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-23385644470250661132016-11-19T21:45:00.001+08:002016-11-19T21:48:34.057+08:00005: In Which I Just Write About How I Feel<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have been spending so much time writing, but not because it's NaNoWriMo. It's not even because I want to keep this blog alive again. I've been writing so much trying to convince myself that maybe I'll be able to write out all the sadness inside me. I've written poems (shitty ones), stories, one-shots, letters, and all the other forms I could think of. So, tell me, <i>please tell me</i>, why am I still sad?<br />
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<a name='more'></a>I'm not sure what this is or for what purpose this serves, but I do know that I want to write. And this time I'm sharing it to the world. Again, I'm yet to find out why.<br />
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Is there a word for that feeling when you realize you've given every ounce of effort you have inside you, and for some reason you can't comprehend, the universe still decides that your effort isn't enough? Is there a word for the unfairness of how forces conspire for people to meet, get to know each other, be best friends, trade secrets, and then be torn apart? Is there a word for that? There should be.<br />
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If there's anything that could perfectly describe what I have been feeling these past weeks, it would be that word.<br />
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I've never really been good with handling changes. In fact, I <i>fear </i>it. I explained this on a <u><a href="http://sempiternal-reader.blogspot.com/2015/11/002-fears.html" target="_blank">previous blog post</a></u>, and I wish I could say that things have changed about the way I feel about change, but ironically, they haven't. I fear it more, if that's even possible.<br />
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Maybe it's because I feel comfortable with routines, even though I wouldn't admit it. I like being prepared. I don't like being thrown in situations where I don't know what to do, but funnily, I find myself in those situations a <i>lot</i>. Like this one, right now. I feel so lost and I don't know what to do. There are so many changes happening around me and I can't control them. I don't like not being able to control them, but I know that's not how it works. So I<i> have</i> to be okay with that.<br />
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I am so tired of pretending I'm okay. I am anything but okay. Everyday I write myself notes - much like shorter versions of the contents of <u><a href="http://sempiternal-reader.blogspot.com/2016/11/004-things-i-wish-you-had-said-instead_14.html" target="_blank">this post</a></u> - just so I can push through the day without ending up in a corner, crying. And that's not okay. I don't want to start my mornings being of afraid of what will remind me of the sadness again. What's worse is that the reminder is almost always the little things; a spot in a gazebo, a receipt I find in my wallet, a note I stumble upon on my desk, a joke, a mutual friend, a song, a movie.<br />
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What makes me even sadder is that I can't talk about it to anyone. Not my mom, not my friends, not my sister, not even my best friends. Because I know damn well that no words could ever come close to expressing how I really feel. I'd rather write them a 13-page letter than sit through a conversation where I would have to exhaust all the effort to try and find the words I could say to make them understand even just a tiny bit of how I feel.<br />
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And just like that, I've found my reason for writing this. It has always been easier to open up to strangers. It's even easier to just talk to the internet, an action comparable to shouting into the void.<br />
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I fell in love with writing even more (if that's possible) due to all of this, but some part of me also feels really guilty that I don't open up to anybody. All of my friends have been really helpful; leaving me notes of encouragement, pushing me to go to school, and giving me the hugs that keep me going. And it sucks that I have to lie to them every time they ask me if I'm okay.<br />
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If you're my friend and you're reading this, I'm sorry. It's just so much easier to lie than to try to explain everything (which usually results in puddles of tears). You've all been so so helpful and I am so grateful to have you all in my life. Saying that I am okay, even if it is a lie, saves you from a sad story by yours truly. So you have to forgive me.<br />
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I know this is a long shot, but mom, if you happen to be reading this, thank you for being one of the reasons I keep going. I know you've never told me directly, but you never fail to ask me to do chores when I look like I'm about to cry whilst staring at the ceiling. It gives me a sense of purpose. I mean, who would wash the dishes if I disappeared, right? Kidding. Thank you.<br />
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Since I'm already on the thank yous; to the love of my life, to one of the main characters in my movie, to one of the best creatures to ever walk on Earth, even if you <i>do </i>pee on the carpet, I love you. I promise I will not leave this life early because I want to see you become the best doggy you can be. Also, if I die, who will buy you cool treats and toys?<br />
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I think I'm supposed to end on a happy note, but I can't find one. That's as happy as it's gonna get; a picture of my dog. But this isn't the end of the post yet. Just go back to this when you're done reading and if I pass on the sadness.<br />
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I know the burning question in everyone's minds is that if I'm so unhappy, why am I not doing things to change it? I promise you, I am. I am doing everything I can to fight it. Everyday I still get up even when my entire body is telling me not to. I tell myself that I'm tired of pretending I'm strong enough for this, but deep inside I know I am. I'm gathering all the wood I can to keep that fire inside me alive. It's just a tiny flame right now, but I promise you that I <i>am </i>fighting.<br />
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Distractions are my way of getting by when the sadness begins to creep on me. Most days, sadness wins, but on the good days; the ones filled with laughter with friends, art therapy through watercolor brush lettering, good books, great food - these are the days that I have to remember. The days where I've successfully distracted myself enough that it leaves no space for sadness or any memory that will bring anything back.<br />
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That's kind of a good note, right? I'll end here.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">P.S.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Please know that this isn't even half of the things I wanted to say, but the post was getting too long and my fingers are tired. I'll see you soon. </span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-21858475046982736782016-11-14T18:37:00.001+08:002016-12-22T12:10:33.492+08:00004: Things I Wish You Had Said Instead of Sorry<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Yesterday I somehow managed to burn popcorn in a microwave, forget to turn off a faucet for a full hour, and today skipped school because no matter how much my alarm blared this morning I just couldn't find the willpower to face the world.<br />
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This is a post about the things I wish you had said instead of "Sorry" when I was on the lowest point I have ever been.<br />
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Sometimes sadness wins.<br />
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It's okay to not be okay.<br />
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But it's not okay to stop trying to be okay.<br />
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Nothing good ever comes from moping around and staring at ceilings for days on end, even though sometimes closing curtains, listening to sad music, and sleeping is what we think we need - and some days we <i>are </i>right - doing it everyday does more harm than good.<br />
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You need to keep on keeping on.<br />
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Believe that things will get better. Do everything you can to keep that belief alive, even on days when you've tried everything to fight the sadness, but it still wins. Because there will be days when everything will seem hopeless and you will want to disappear more than ever.<br />
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Fight it.<br />
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Fight it for the thought that there are good days to come. Maybe that day isn't today or tomorrow, but it <i>will </i>come. You have to be alive to see that happen. You have to be alive to smirk at the sadness and kick its ass with all of the great memories you will make with friends, family, and pets.<br />
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I know this feels like the most painful thing you've ever experienced, but pain ends. It wants you to think it won't, but pain lies. Don't let it fool you. There will come a day when you will be able to look back on this and be glad you overcame it. But for that to happen, you've got to get up. Keep moving forward. Hold your head up high (okay, maybe not <i>that </i>high, but as high as you could manage right now), and keep on keeping on.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
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P.S.</div>
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This isn't just for me. It's for everyone who needs it.</div>
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P.P.S.</div>
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If you're reading this, you know who you are, you promised you would still be there for me. You lied. I'm sorry too.</div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-83806799285464999492016-09-28T18:37:00.000+08:002016-09-28T19:59:48.493+08:00Autumnal Equinox<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My mom once told me that our lives and everything that happens on Earth are connected. I never really understood what she was trying to say. I mean, <i>sure it's connected</i>. We're people, people live on Earth, everything that happens on Earth is connected to the people living in it.<br />
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I think I understand her better now.<br />
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You could go about taking this differently, but I'm going to use the four astronomical seasons of the year; Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter. These seasons exist because the Earth decides (let's pretend it has a choice) to continue its yearly orbit around the Sun. Just like how these four seasons happen in my life because I choose to wake up every morning.<br />
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Spring is the drawing of a field full of different flowers and bees and ladybugs and animals from an illustrated book for children. Spring is melting snow, warmer weather, and going outside for a stroll. Spring is walking inside a room in the middle of September*, seeing you, and smiling to myself because it's a new day and I get to say hi to you again.<br />
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Then again, Spring also means more rain and sometimes no rain at all. Spring means school (and boy, do I hate school) and homework and work in general. Spring means waking up from a long slumber (for animals, anyway). Spring means seeing you and the only word that comes out is "Hi" because I'm shy and you are too. But that's okay because after Spring comes Summer.<br />
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Summer means<i> no school</i>. Summer means going on road trips with family and friends, going to the beach, swimming in pools, or if you're like me, Summer means staying inside the house and binge-watching FRIENDS while eating ice cream. Summer also means late nights talking to you about cartoons and One Direction songs and future jobs.<br />
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But just like Spring, Summer has its downsides; hot weather and sweating<i> gallons</i> - even without exercise. Summer means having to wear a lot of sunscreen, sometimes not being able to go outside because it's just <i>too</i> hot, and having to need that aircon or fan on high all the time. Summer also means not seeing you.<br />
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After Summer though, yay Autumn! This is my absolute favorite season despite the fact that I only know how nice Autumn is because of the internet. Autumn means that wonderful crunching sound leaves make when you step on them. Autumn means Pumpkin Spice Lattes (let's pretend I'm allowed to drink caffeine) and cool sweaters. Autumn means Thanksgiving and colder weather. Autumn means I know a lot of little things about you and I can't get you out of my head.<br />
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Autumn also has, you guessed it, downsides. Autumn means plants going dormant. Sure the orange glow of everything seems nice at first, but too much of it just makes it less of a glow and more of a dull orange. Autumn means running out of things to talk about. Autumn means small talk.<br />
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Winter means snow, Christmas, Christmas songs, Christmas trees, Christmas lights, and chilling by the fireplace with hot chocolate in hand.<br />
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Winter means saying goodbye even if it means not knowing why and where it went wrong.<br />
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If there's anything these seasons taught me about life, it's that it isn't fair. Just like an autumnal equinox - when the day and night are of equal duration, it only happens twice in three hundred and sixty-five days. Life is fair only so rarely. Life is a wheel that will keep on turning even if I don't want it to.<br />
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Thanks, mom.<br />
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*the hell is this girl talking about?? Spring isn't in September??? yes well my country does not get a Spring lol so september is spring for me ok shhAndreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-2300775923880815512016-08-28T11:08:00.002+08:002016-08-28T11:09:04.818+08:00A Life Update (with Friends GIFs)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hello, I've been MIA for too long and have decided to return, not sure about the staying part though. Anyway, I thought I'd start the comeback with a Life Update since I haven't been around for a while. Also, I haven't written anything in 3 months, so this might get weird.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>I'm doing this thing with bullets so I'm probs on the right track, informal as ever.<br />
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<li>Midterms are <i>finally </i>over which is great, but we still have these practices for a speech competition, and a bunch of requirements in a few subjects, and one last exam. Meanwhile, some teachers already began lectures for final term lessons zzz</li>
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<li>I got <i>so </i>used to my life being this big ball of messed up smush and now I'm just</li>
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But I can't, I can't freak out so I just have to re-schedule that and do my homework first.</div>
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<li>On that note, hey I made a <a href="http://mugggle-studies.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">studyblr</a>! It's basically a tumblr that's filled with inspiration for studying, study aesthetic, and the like. I love living in the illusion that I'm getting my life in check.</li>
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<li>I am so deep in emotional crap. I don't even. I don't. I.</li>
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<ul>
<li>I started watching Stranger Things (and I love it! And that's says a <i>lot </i>since I find the slightest hint of horror repelling). </li>
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<li>I'm writing stories again :)</li>
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<ul>
<li>August made my life miserable, basically. And this month isn't even over yet. But, that's okay. I'll be okay. I've made it this far, and I'll make it even further (farther?). </li>
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I know these all sound pretty negative, but trust me, I'm doing really fine given all the crap being thrown at me (this one, not so literal). I finished friends for the 2nd time (and I'm going for a 3rd), my puppy, which is not so much a puppy anymore, is healthy and fluffy and so so loved, and although my relationship might just be crumbling down (as well as my grades), I'm doing my best to hold up.</div>
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I've broken down several times this month, but there were also happy moments of course (albeit a very small number) that made me want to continue.</div>
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I apologize for such a negative(-ish) post. I really wanted to end on a positive note and hopefully I did. </div>
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Oh, oh and I started painting again!</div>
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Hope ya'll are doing fine and don't forget to hold on tight, this ride is a wild one. ;)</div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-48533748935207968382016-05-19T09:20:00.000+08:002016-05-19T09:20:45.026+08:00Orange Books and Orange Fruits<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I hate the color orange. It makes me puke. But I found 3 really cool orange things that made me pretty happy the past few days. As with every bad day/week, my solution is to keep my mind away from the things that make me sad and do things that make me happy such as binge watching, binge reading, and binge sleeping.<br />
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This week's solution was binge reading.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>My sister and I took a trip to the bookstore when we went to our grandparents' this weekend. We both haven't been reading as much as we expected so we decided to pick up some stuff before summer ends. The last book I finished was Me Before You and that was a few weeks ago, and I haven't picked up anything else which is just so unusual.<br />
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Anyway, the bookstore was pretty small (which was a bit disheartening), but we (slowly) went through their selections anyway. Here are the two books we ended up buying:<br />
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<ol>
<li><b>The Curious Incident of the Dog at Night-time </b><i>(by Mark Haddon)</i><br />I was initially going to choose the Buried Giant by Kazuo Ishiguro over this because I was recommended that book and I've actually been looking forward to reading it, but the moment I read the summary on the back of this novel, I knew I <i>had </i>to read it.<br /><br />Here is the summary from Goodreads:<br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Christopher John Francis Boone knows all the countries of the world and their capitals and every prime number up to 7,057. He relates well to animals but has no understanding of human emotions. He cannot stand to be touched. And he detests the color yellow.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Although gifted with a superbly logical brain, for fifteen-year-old Christopher everyday interactions and admonishments have little meaning. He lives on patterns, rules, and a diagram kept in his pocket. Then one day, a neighbor's dog, Wellington, is killed and his carefully constructive universe is threatened. Christopher sets out to solve the murder in the style of his favourite (logical) detective, Sherlock Holmes. What follows makes for a novel that is funny, poignant and fascinating in its portrayal of a person whose curse and blessing are a mind that perceives the world entirely literally.</span></span><br /><br />First of all, I absolutely adored the main character. He was so new and so interesting. The thought of being opened up and introduced to the gifted mind of a person with Asperger's syndrome intrigued me so much. The plot was a little bit meh to me, but I still recommend this a lot. It's a pretty light read anywho.<br /></span></li>
<li><b>Catcher in the Rye </b><i>(by J.D. Salinger)</i><br />Am I allowed to assume I should skip the summary because almost everybody already knows the gist of this book? Anyway, my sister picked this up under mine and John Green's recommendation. It's also on her required reading list this year so why not.<br /><br />I personally didn't love Catcher, but it was pretty cool to read one of the classics that sparked the YA genre. </li>
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That's basically it for this post. I just wanted to share some bookish stuff since it's been quite a while since I have.</div>
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Welp, would you look at that, 3 blog posts in a month. Whoop.<br />
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Oh, also, while I do not like the color orange, I do adore <b>oranges</b> (the fruits). They're pretty cool.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-78065910428554935922016-05-11T17:21:00.003+08:002016-05-13T11:10:50.531+08:00P is also for Puppies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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No, this is not my pug. Just putting that out there before anything else.<br />
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For those who've been here for a while, you guys will know how much I prefer dogs over cats. And how much I wanted one. But every time I pitch the idea to my parents, something always comes up; we don't have enough space, I'm not responsible enough, my mom hates the smell, I'm way too young, and the list goes on.<br />
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But on my 17th birthday, my dad got me a pup.<br />
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This was by far one of the best surprises my parents have ever set up. About a month before my birthday, I was hinting on wanting a puppy, but my mom immediately shot down the idea. Which kinda resulted into an argument, a few tears, and of course a march up my room (classic, right?). I remember wanting to move out that day because I really wanted my own place where I can house a pup of my own.<br />
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During these days I tried my best to just accept the fact that a puppy was going to have to wait until I've settled down in my own flat or something. Slowly, I started to delete some sites I had saved about puppy training, healthy treats for them, tips and tricks for house training, etc. (yes, I had <i>all </i>of those because I was <i>so </i>sure I was gonna get a puppy one way or another).<br />
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So, naturally, on the day of my actual birth, I didn't expect anything but cash which was the usual gift.<br />
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But, boom. There it was. In my grandparents' living room. It's beautiful black eyes looking at mine. I absolutely fell in love. It was love at first sight, I swear.<br />
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We decided to call this small ball of fur, Ponyo.<br />
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It's one of Hayao Miyazaki's characters from his animated movies. Ponyo's hair resembled the little pup's coat color and we loved Miyazaki so why not? Initially, I wanted to name him Fred, after Fred Weasley, but I think Ponyo was a better choice since my entire family really liked Miyazaki films.<br />
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Anyway, this day last month was the day I got my shih tzu. I guess this is a bit of a celebratory post. Ponyo is now 13 weeks old, we just visited the vet this morning for his 3rd round of shots and I was also told that he was to undergo surgery right after all his shots because of hernia, but more on that in a different post.<br />
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He is an absolute pain in the ass, but he is also such a joy to be around. Everything he does is hilarious in his own way. his energy levels definitely match mine (this pup literally plays so energetically for a few minutes and then decides to snooze for hours!), and he's such a good stress reliever.<br />
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Although, I do admit that a few days ago I had a bit of trouble being patient and I got upset because Ponyo seemed to have forgotten a month's worth of potty training overnight. But, needless to say I didn't lose hope and continued to train and train.<br />
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I'm really glad I've embarked on this adventure as a dog owner. I'm learning so many things and I'm having so much fun with Ponyo, even though he can be quite naughty and stubborn sometimes. I love him to bits and pieces.<br />
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I'm thinking of making this a regular thing and calling it Puppy Chronicles where I basically document Ponyo's adventure with me (or mine with him rather), but I'm not sure I can actually update it regularly, so I suppose I'll just write about milestones and all that.<br />
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I don't have very good pictures of Ponyo (I do have a <i>lot </i>of blurry and badly taken ones), but here's a compilation of the most decent I could find.<br />
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We have quite a lot of stairs at home so we made it point to introduce Ponyo to stairs pretty early. This is a picture of him when he managed to triumphantly get to the 4th step but he realized he couldn't get down so he decided to live there.</div>
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He is the cutest thing, I swear. This was when I was giving him his very first belly rubs.</div>
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This is during our first roadtrip together to my grandparents' house. This little pup decided that my neck pillow was now his bed when inside the car. He was surprisingly so calm about the whole car situation and he slept most of the time which was a serious relief.</div>
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Oh, also, his new puppy potty trainer pad just came in the mail today! I've been having major trouble with his peeing and pooping (and my mom absolutely hates the smell) so hopefully this will help. That's all I've got for today and I hope to be writing more about Ponyo in future posts, ciao! :)</div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5913174062939082798.post-36063466763000876482016-05-09T17:17:00.000+08:002017-05-16T09:01:16.095+08:00P is for Poetry and Phil Kaye<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In the words of the great Edgar Allan Poe, "<i>I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of beauty.</i>"<br />
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I may have mentioned it a few times before, but poems never appealed to me as a way to express myself. I've never expounded on that, fearing that a mob of poets might come after me at night and write poems with my blood (okay, too much). But today, I want to expound on that and also share my surprisingly growing love.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Poems never appealed to me mainly because I found a verse or two is just too short to be able to tell what I really felt. <i>Well, surprise Andrea, long poems exist!</i> I know but I honestly struggled with writing a short one, I couldn't even imagine how I'll be able to write a long one.<br />
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I have great respect for the people I knew who wrote poetry and an even greater respect for poems itself, but I have come to accept that it's just not for me. I have come at peace with my inability to write any kind of poetry.<br />
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Which was until my sister sent me a video of a poetry performance by Phil Kaye. I had never been so amazed and touched by a 3-minute performance of free form poetry. I knew nothing about poetry except for the fact that I can't do it, but as I finished the video she sent me, I asked her for another one and after that I had begun scouring the internet for more.<br />
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During the past few days I've been spending a lot of time watching poetry performances and I thought I'd share it with you guys!<br />
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Without further ado, I would like to share 5 of my favorite poetry videos (2 of which will be of Phil Kaye, one of my absolute favorite people).<br />
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"Repetition" (Phil Kaye)</div>
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This was the first video I've ever watched of Phil Kaye and I have never forgotten it ever since. The amount of times I've watched this over and over again is unbelievable.</div>
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"When Love Arrives" (Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye)</div>
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This one is about the fantasies and realities of love and I <i>love </i>it so much. </div>
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"Sidewalk Chalk" (Michael Mlekoday)</div>
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This gave me goosebumps. That is all I have to say.</div>
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"Almosts" (Bianca Phipps)</div>
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This one is a close second when asked which of these five are my favorite (the answer being "Repetition"). I'm not crying, you are!</div>
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"When the Fat Girl Gets Skinny" (Blythe Baird)</div>
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This was the second video my sister sent to me and I do not, for one second, regret watching this.</div>
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That's five of the poetry I would recommend people to watch the most, but I've been spending some time curating a playlist of the videos I loved the most and you can view them <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLR--gu3bVb4u3EopNIDRdr8AF9SvqITq6" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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I am not exaggerating when I say I have been working on this post for <i>so</i> long, editing and adding and removing a lot of stuff (even though it doesn't look like it). I just feel like I won't be able to give justice to the actual explanation of how beautiful poems are and the feeling they gave me during the past few days spent watching poetry slams. I hope I've at least given it a bit of justice.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">Andrea</span></div>
Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00994136826031572687noreply@blogger.com0