I Wrote This For You
"'Cause I've got this friend who's crazy about you,
I've got this friend who can't be without you,
I've got this friend and I wish I could see
How this would end if you knew it was me."
- I've Got This Friend, 5 Seconds of Summer
- I've Got This Friend, 5 Seconds of Summer
I watch in the sidelines as you walk up to her. You nervously tousle your hair with your hand and take a deep breath, and then start talking to her and she flashes you a smile, I bet it's not as bright as you imagined it would be. I try to smile too, as if my moral support would radiate to you from where I was standing. I feel a tug in my chest as you talk more and she smiles more, but I keep watching. You ask one final question and she nods as an answer. I finally look away, but I didn't need to see to know that you're grinning in that goofy way that you do.
"Hey, she said yes!" You beam as you happily hold me by the shoulders at arms length and shake my soul out of my body.
I hold back the thoughts before they turned into words, and laugh instead. "Told you you could do it!"
"I can't believe I actually did! Thanks! God knows I love you!" You envelope me in a hug and I hug back weakly. Do you understand the effect you have on me? The effect of those words you tell me?
The moment you let go of me, I have second thoughts of telling you everything; from the butterflies to the drumrolls to the backflips my stomach makes, but reason tells me it won't do me any good. What I had with you wasn't a legit boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, but I wouldn't give anything to lose whatever it was that we shared.
"I'll see you later, okay? Ice cream, my treat. You deserve it!" You say as you begin to walk away and head to your next class. I smile as I watch you go; that way you walk, the way you swing your arm, the way you run your hand through your hair, the way you smile at everybody. You were so gorgeous in your own little way.
You congratulated me when I got over all my stupid exes, when I stopped looking at myself lower than everybody else, when I finally passed a Math exam. You always told me how great I was doing with life. How good I was at saving myself. You were wrong. It wasn't just me. It was you. You pushed me to believe I was better than what I deemed myself to be. But you also showed me how to have fun, how to just enjoy the life I'm living.
I bet you don't understand the joy I feel when I realize how close we've gotten. And I bet you don't see the sadness I feel when I realize this is the extent of what we could be. You were the sweetest sadness. The sole responsible for that bittersweet feeling.
I like you for all your positive qualities and your amazing personality, but I love you for all your defects and weirdness and inconsistency and everything that comes with being friends with you. But you can't see this. Maybe you never will.
"I can't believe I actually did! Thanks! God knows I love you!" You envelope me in a hug and I hug back weakly. Do you understand the effect you have on me? The effect of those words you tell me?
The moment you let go of me, I have second thoughts of telling you everything; from the butterflies to the drumrolls to the backflips my stomach makes, but reason tells me it won't do me any good. What I had with you wasn't a legit boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, but I wouldn't give anything to lose whatever it was that we shared.
"I'll see you later, okay? Ice cream, my treat. You deserve it!" You say as you begin to walk away and head to your next class. I smile as I watch you go; that way you walk, the way you swing your arm, the way you run your hand through your hair, the way you smile at everybody. You were so gorgeous in your own little way.
You congratulated me when I got over all my stupid exes, when I stopped looking at myself lower than everybody else, when I finally passed a Math exam. You always told me how great I was doing with life. How good I was at saving myself. You were wrong. It wasn't just me. It was you. You pushed me to believe I was better than what I deemed myself to be. But you also showed me how to have fun, how to just enjoy the life I'm living.
I bet you don't understand the joy I feel when I realize how close we've gotten. And I bet you don't see the sadness I feel when I realize this is the extent of what we could be. You were the sweetest sadness. The sole responsible for that bittersweet feeling.
I like you for all your positive qualities and your amazing personality, but I love you for all your defects and weirdness and inconsistency and everything that comes with being friends with you. But you can't see this. Maybe you never will.
11 comments
Write commentsThis is beautiful, Andrea. I know how you feel; I have a close friend, who I've known for 7 years, and I kind-of have feelings for him that run deeper than friendship. I know that nothing's ever going to happen between us (he's really close to another girl in my group of friends, and it's always been a case of "Hey..... is in Italy now, I really miss her") and I've got used to the fact that over the years I've just been the best friend of the boyfriend of the insanely pretty girl, but at the start of last summer I wrote my first proper song, and it was kind-of inspired by our (lack of) relationship.
ReplyHi, me again. I've nominated you for a Sunshine Award. All details are on my blog :)
ReplyOh my goodness, this is incredible Andrea. I can completely relate to what you've written. I think, in one way or another, every girl can. This is just... wow. I'm speechless. That awful, wonderful relationship where you care for him so much but you'll never tell him cause he likes someone else or you're scared that you might lose his friendship.
ReplyBtw, I like the new blog design! :)
"I've just been the best friend of the boyfriend of the insanely pretty girl"
ReplyHey look you just wrote my biography! =) Kidding, of course. It's amazing how we both go through the same thing, and we both have our ways of dealing with it. I always write stories about him and you write songs (which I must admit is VERY cool! I can't even write a proper verse!). You should try listening to "I've Got This Friend" by 5SOS, which is actually the main reason why I pushed myself to finally write something about my... friend... and share it with other people. =D Oh and thanks for the Sunshine Award nomination and for visiting my blog! =)
This seriously means a lot and it made me smile, thank you so much! =)
ReplyI was going for a monochromatic and simple design, but was too lazy to create my own, so I just chose one of the pre-mades haha. =)
Hey, you guys might like my blog; YourDailyHope.blogspot.com :-)
ReplyHey Andrea! I've been reading your blog recently and although you've already received a nomination, I"m still nominating you for the Liebster Award. Check the post here http://seenyetunheard.blogspot.com/ and it's all up to you if you wanna answer the set of questions. Keep blogging! :)
ReplyHi! I'm also nominating you for the Liebster blog award as well. I really enjoy reading your blog posts :) See here for my set of questions:
Replyhttp://sunduckling.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-liebster-blog-award.html
Good Luck!
This is so beautifully written... I love it!
ReplyJune
The Journeys' of my beating heart
Oh Andrea, this is so beautiful. It's a horrible situation, but the way you have just described it fits as perfect as Cinderella's shoe. I really hope things turn out the way you wish them to.
ReplyAlso, congratulations on your incredible music taste!
- Ali x
Aw you guyssss! I can't express my gratitude enough. Your comments and blogger award nominations seriously made my heart very fat. Thank you! =D
ReplyMay the comments be ever in my favor (or not)