007: College Entrance Tests, Careers, and I'm Not Sure What I'm Doing With My Life

Nick Hillier
     So, all 4 of the biggest universities that I wanted to get into just dropped their online application links this month and I completely lost my shit. I don't know what to do with my life and it's time to decide.
     I opened all links, stared at it for a good minute or so, closed 'em all, and then panicked my ass off because holy cow poo CET season is starting and I am so excited happy sad scared.

     College entrance exams are less than 2 months away and I am scared. I feel like all my review classes, practice tests, and study sessions weren't enough. I feel so unprepared for one of the biggest things in my entire life. I really, really, really want to pass the UPCAT (University of the Philippines College Admission Test to those who might not know). I'm doing my best to prepare for it, but I just don't feel like I'm ready. I don't think I'll ever feel ready.

     I've been joining study groups ever since school started in June, but I still feel so unprepared. I feel like everybody will be so much better than I am and that I don't even stand the slightest chance to pass into my dream university.

     Passing the UPCAT is one thing, but choosing a career is a whole other struggle. I don't know what I want to be. If I were asked what I want my life to look like in 5 years, all I would say is happy. I want to be happy. Thing is, I have no idea which course, which career path, will lead me there.

     I'm currently a high school senior under the STEM track (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) but God knows my heart belongs in the liberal arts. That should give me a clear answer on what I should take up in college, right? Wrong. I honestly just feel so.. guilty(?) about taking up Creative Writing, or Journalism, or anything from the liberal arts because I feel like I would be throwing away 2 years of my life that I worked really hard on.

     I studied my ass off for Chemistry and Pre-Calculus (and Basic Calc at some point) for a passing grade and I feel like if I take up a course that isn't under STEM, all of that effort, all the all-nighters, all the things I've learned - all will be thrown down the drain and forgotten. And I just can't take that.

     I've considered taking up Veterinary Medicine because if there's a STEM related job that I can be proud of doing and be willing to exert all effort in, it's becoming a veterinarian. I love animals and it would be an honor to be able to spend the rest of my life being their doctor. The only issue is that VetMed is only offered in the Los Baños campus of UP. Los Baños is in Laguna. That's an entirely different city - it's a province!

     I know that would be an amazing adventure and I would definitely learn so many things, but I'm still really scared. If I do go to Los Baños, I'd be leaving behind everything. I wouldn't be able to see my family that much, most if not all of my friends are going to stay in Metro Manila, and I'd only get to see my pupper Ponyo a few times a month at most :(

     If I were to choose a non-STEM course, I would definitely go for Creative Writing. My love for writing is something that won't ever wane and it would be wonderful to learn more about it and grow as a writer. I'd also like to study Film. Due to a lot of school projects, I've grown to love filming and editing videos and presentations. The amount of group video projects I've written, filmed, and edited is insane.

     There's just so much I want to be doing with my life, but I don't know what to put first. There are like so many little flames of interest inside me (film and creative writing are only two, I'm also considering taking up political science, marketing management, and even graphic design), I don't know which flame would burn the brightest and which flame I should be tending to first.

   I'm just constantly this walking, talking body of confused thoughts on college. I want to get into my dream university, but I'm also scared that I won't get the program I really want even if I do get in (hopefully this isn't me jinxing it).

    I'm going to have to make a decision in the coming days. But for now, I think I'll stay confused for a while and think things through.

    Messiest post ever, I know :(

    I should probably go back to reviewing for the admission exams now.

    Help pls.