Truly, Madly, Deeply: A Reaction to Zayn's Exit

Truly, madly, deeply

I am foolishly, completely falling

And somehow you kicked all my walls in

So baby say you'll always keep me truly, madly, crazy, deeply in love with you

Warning: This is a very emotional post concerning a certain boy band. If you don't like them or think that this is completely pathetic (e.g. my family), I suggest you stop reading and do something else. If not, then continue. Thank you.

Also, I highly suggest you listen to Truly, Madly, Deepy by One Direction while you read this.

It's really funny how human minds work. It's funny how five lads can mean so much to me when I literally have never met them in person before. I spent hours and hours memorizing every single detail about five lads who will never know my name. It's funny.

And yet, endearing.

Two days ago, I began listening to their songs again, thinking it's fine, I'm over it. Only I wasn't. 

Last night, I ended up watching so many videos of these five lads from interviews to funny moments to recordings of their laughter. I missed them so much. For so long I kept quiet when a lot of my peers at school broke down because of the recent news. I've always been so.. emotionless when it came to that until I ended up watching a Tribute to Zayn. And it all just went downhill from there.

I remember an interview with Barbara Walters way back in 2012. It was a bit of a serious interview (let's face it, it's almost impossible to have a full on serious interview with these lads), and I remember Barbara asking the lads if they had any plans on going solo, if they could see themselves as the next Justin Timberlake. No one said yes. Everyone agreed that they were loyal to the band and it's all five of us or none of us. Zayn even said a few statements that quite literally (okay, not literally) broke my heart.

I've been in this fandom for 3 years and I never foresaw Zayn's exit. I never even imagined it. I know boy bands don't last very long. But I guess I've always imagined all five of them leaving at the same time. Like, unanimously deciding that lads, it's time. And knowing that this wasn't the case killed me. I know, I know, leave Zayn alone, it's his decision. I'm not blaming Zayn. I'm not blaming anyone. Okay, maybe I blame some gossip starters. But, still. You can't help being sad.

'Cause here's the tragic truth; even though I've never met them before, I feel like I've known them for a very long time. They're friends. More than that, even. All those late nights watching interviews, waking up at 3 in the morning to watch them perform in the Olympics, saving every single penny just to buy their albums, and crying over them so many times out of sheer happiness.

I am so proud of everything they've done and I respect Zayn's decision. I'm also very, very proud of Niall, Liam, Louis, and Harry for keeping the fandom together. For being there. Zayn's exit hurt me like hell. And I can't help but imagine how the four lads felt. If Zayn leaving broke me like this, I wonder how much more broken the remaining four must be.

Nevertheless, I will never, ever stop loving these five silly lads. In a band or not, I love them. No matter what everybody else says about me or them, screw it. I love One Direction. I am so proud of all of them. And I'm very thankful for that "little boy from Bradford". Thank you for being part of the best 3 years of my life. Niall, Louis, Liam, and Harry, thank you for still being a part of the 3 years and counting.

It might not mean that much to you, but to me it's everything.

Andrea