Writing Struggles

I've got a completely different blog post planned for today, but I've been procrastinating all morning and I came to the conclusion that I think I'll set aside the plans for today and just write what I feel like writing, which is this, right now. First and foremost, school's out! Our Christmas break has finally arrived and nothing is in the way of my binge-watching. Second, 7 days until Christmas! I can't even believe December is about to come to an end. I've been loving the weather and the awesome Christmas lights outside.

Anyway, onto the actual content I want to write. 

I can't write.

This isn't very Christmas-y, but I expect to be doing a lot of writing during the Holidays, as I always do. I guess that's Christmas-y enough to be included under 12POC? (I'm seriously running out of ideas for blog posts)

I've been having some struggles with writing lately and I thought it would be fun nice cool I'd share it here, so that future me could see my struggles with writing and hopefully laugh at them in mockery because she already conquered these struggles.

Moving on, just to get this clear, I do not have writer's block.

I get them a lot, but not right now. That's not exactly included in this list of struggles that I'm going through at the moment. While it is a huge problem when I'm writing, usually I just go watch TV or read as a solution to writer's block.

Now that that's out of the way, the real reason I can't write right now is because I am full of.. emotions? I've been so happy the past few weeks and I know you think that should be helpful with my writing, but it isn't. See, I have this thing, I'm not sure if anyone else has it too, but I always feel like I have to be very emotionally invested in everything I write.

I despise half-assed stories or blog posts or shorts just written to beat a deadline (which is ironic because I do this sometimes. I despise myself too)

Right now I can't write anything that's not happy. Everything I write turns into butterflies and rainbows, which isn't very good since I'm working on a pretty heavy story at the moment that I really want to finish before 2016 rolls in.

So, that's the main struggle I'm having right now. I'm not sure if there's a way to fix it (which means I have to be sad first before writing sad stuff? OR I have to be less emotionally invested in my stories?). I don't know if that made a lot of sense, but it's been bugging me for days. My story hasn't moved even one bit because of this.

Another struggle I've been having is my confidence in writing. Cliche, I know. But it just doesn't go away. Sometimes while typing, I just realize how bad my actual plot line is or how terrible my grammar is (although English not being my first language can be taken into consideration). I also don't think that I have a style of writing. I don't have my own writing yet. I feel like I'm just this random ball of words and thoughts and letters and messed up lot lines.

That didn't make a lot of sense as well, did it?

However, I do have a solution for this struggle. I only have to tell myself (I really do tell myself) that there will always be someone better than me at what I do. The thing is, I don't have to be better than them. I don't have to try hard to be better than them. I just have to be happy with what I do and enjoy writing.

Also, I just really have to keep writing.

And guess what? I wrote a blog post! That's something.

I feel like I always seem half-drunk when I write here. Everything is so random and weird and most of the time makes little sense.

But meh. I'm happy.